Defense Mechanism
by iTravel
Summary: When Sasuke returns Tsunade delivers his punishment: With the help of Sakura and Naruto, return to Sound and rebuild everything Orochimaru neglected. Sakura has a mission of her own, however, and it's more lethal than she originally thought. SasukeSakura
1. Chapter 1

**An idea popped into my head, and I decided to try writing in 2****nd**** person. I don't know why, but it's probably because I got really tired of **_**Sasuke said **_**or **_**Sakura said**_**. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.**

**Usual disclaimer applies.**

**OOOOO**

Summary: The first time he broke her heart, they were 12. The second time, they were 15. The third and final time was when they were 18. The only difference was that this time, he was going to do something about it. SasukeSakura

-

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter One_

_-_

_Ought to be easy, ought to be simple enough._

_Man meets woman and they fall in love._

_ -_

As you cleared the table all those years ago, you knew that when your plate broke, something was wrong. You froze and your heart rate increased, but what really bothered you was the foreboding feeling in your gut that told you what this was about. You laughed quietly, not because the situation was funny, but because of the irony. This was the person who you had thought about every minute of every day.

You laughed because you _knew_ something like this would happen.

_Sasuke._

You didn't know how your feet knew where to take you, but you had no choice but to follow them. The foreboding in your stomach did not leave, if anything, it intensified. Your eyes widened and you felt the tears start to surface when you realized the path you were on was the road leading out of the village. _He's leaving, _you thought, and you felt a sudden urge to strangle the snake yourself. You held back the tears, but you couldn't swallow the lump in your throat because you _knew_ you wouldn't be able to stop him. A small voice in your head whispered, _you can't stop him because you're too weak_, and you believed it. It would take years, but eventually you'd realize it was exactly the opposite.

_He_ was the weak one . . .

But all the thoughts left your mind and you became numb when you saw his midnight blue hair in the distance. Your chest clenched, not only because you didn't know when you would see him again, but because you finally realized just how lonely he was.

And then it hit you—you would never understand him, and you probably never did.

He stopped, and you could see the tension in his shoulders. He knew it was you. You knew that his snide remarks were his defense mechanism, but it did not lessen the pain you felt from his rejection. You confessed your love to him, but in the back of your mind, you knew it wouldn't help. Perhaps more heartbreaking than the rejection, was the way shock and sorrow passed quickly through his eyes at your admission. You knew he was more emotional than he let on, but you couldn't stop the hope from blossoming in your chest. And then his eyes turned dead, blank, and your heart broke even more. He would reject you because he couldn't afford to have you by his side. The rational side of you knew it was because he didn't want you to get hurt, but the more emotional side only heard the word _burden_. You vowed to banish that word from your vocabulary for the rest of your life because no one deserved to feel as hollow as you did. You did the one last thing that makes sense: you threatened to scream, hoping someone would hear you and stop this. But before you could blink, he was standing behind you and you knew what he was going to do, but you didn't stop it. He was silent and still for what seemed like forever, and then he whispered two words that would stay with you forever.

_Thank you._

Part of you was angry that that was all he said, but years later you would realize that those words meant more than anyone besides yourself could understand. He thanked you for loving him, for showing him that someone cared for his well being, that someone would give their life for his happiness. It was his way of letting you know his appreciation. You would also come to realize that he probably hadn't said those words to anyone in his life, and for some reason, you realized that he had given you something that no one else had. You felt him hesitate slightly before he hit the pressure point on you neck, and you knew that on some level, no matter how small, there was a part of his heart that would always be reserved for you. Only you. You whispered his name softly, as you collapsed, and you could only hope that he heard the realization in your tone. As his arms caught you as you fell, you knew that in that small part of his heart, he loved you. And if it were possible, your feelings for him increased.

-

It would be the next day when you realized that when he hit you, your neck was slightly wet from where his fingers had met your skin.

He had been crying.

**OOOOO**

**Well, there you have chapter one. This isn't a light fic, but it won't be as sad as this chapter lol. I hope that makes sense. **

**Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for reviews! I appreciate it more than you know. I write faster when I know people enjoy it. So leave me some more love!**

**I don't own Naruto, nor do I own the lyrics from **_**Shadow of Love**_** by **_**Celine Dion.**_

**OOOOO**

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Two_

_-_

_I live my life like a runaway, I hide my dreams in a special place,_

_I'm waiting here for my friends to come, to save me from the darkness…_

_-_

You cry yourself to sleep too many times to count. Those around you think it's because you love him, but they don't understand that that's only part of it. You cry because you realize that everything you've ever been through—every training session, every time he saved you, every smirk, every _annoying_ or _dobe_ comment—has been a lie. You cry because there's a part of you that's missing. It doesn't matter that you love him, because _he is your friend first._

And that's what no one seems to understand.

…Except for Naruto.

You see the way everyone looks at you. There is pity in their eyes. They pity your loss of love.

But _Naruto—_Naruto is the only one who pities your loss of friendship. He knows what it is like to be lonely. You know that you are selfish when you compare your loneliness, but then you realize—there will always be something between those two that you can never be a part of. You love him, but those two…they are brothers.

And for some reason, Sasuke doesn't realize that the bond of brotherhood can never be broken.

_Will _never be broken.

Naruto understands that, though. He gets it. Because one day, he will become Hokage like no other. It seems strange to you that people shun him, he has the best heart that you have ever come across. There is a love in him that will never be erased. You hope he understands that it doesn't matter if he becomes the best, strongest shinobi in history. It doesn't matter because he has a gift that none possess.

The ability to change others.

And_ that _is why he will change the village—change the world.

And Sasuke will change nothing. He will lose everything. And you cry because you cannot make him understand. You cry because you cannot bear to see him go down this path—selling his soul, _his body_.

You cry because you are grieving the rest of his life. Because it gone…wasted on a man who doesn't deserve it.

-

But your offer stands true. You will wait.

You will wait forever if you have too…

Because you are the only one who has faith in him. You believe in him—you have to, because there is no other choice.

The tears in your eyes start to fade when you remember the time he saved you during the chuunin exams. He protected you when he didn't have to. He had protected you more than once—

And you find yourself smiling because you _have_ to believe that there is still some good in him. Those times he walked you home, the times he smirked at something you said, the times you could have _sworn_ you heard him laugh.

Those times were not fake.

You saw his eyes dance with amusement whenever Naruto did something foolish. You remember the panic flash through his eyes when Naruto fell off the tree branch during chakra training.

Perhaps it wasn't a lie after all…

The only lie between the three of you is the one he is telling himself—that Team 7 means nothing to him.

You know it _does_ mean something to him.

Perhaps it means everything…

_Because that's why he didn't say goodbye. _

It would have been too painful—and you know that Sasuke does not like pain—for he has seen too much of it in one lifetime.

You have to have faith that it will work out.

One day, he _will_ redeem himself.

-

There is a look in Kakashi's eye that makes you uneasy.

At first you thought it was because Kakashi felt guilty about losing a student, but then you realize something odd: the look is only there when Kakashi looks at Naruto.

It looks like a mix between sadness and pain…and _something else._

It is odd that Kakashi would look at him like that—

Your eyes widen when you see it again today. It's almost like…Kakashi knows something the two of you don't. Like he is waiting for something to happen…but at the same time, he wishes that it's _not_ going to happen.

And then it hits you like a truck:

_Naruto will have to kill Sasuke one day._

You feel like your stomach drop, and it takes everything in you not to scream "_NO!"_

It will never come to that, you think—_pray—_

And your gaze switches quickly to Naruto, who, for some reason, has a rueful smile on his face. And it is oddly accepting.

How strange.

He looks at you, and holds your gaze. You imagine that your mouth is open in shock from the revelation, but Naruto does not look perturbed. Instead, there is a look of determination in his gaze that could only be sparked by one thing: Sasuke.

You've seen the look before, and it gives you comfort.

It's the look Naruto gets when he must overcome a challenge. It's the look he gets when people tell him to give up—that all hope is lost. It's the look he gets when he knows that _there is a way_—and he will go to the ends of the earth to find it.

You smile suddenly because you know that if there is a way, Naruto will find it. After all, he is the _only one_ who can find it.

You smile because you _aren't_ the only one who has faith—

Naruto has faith in _him_, too.

**OOOOO**

**Wow, that was a quick update if I do say so myself. Yes, eventually Sasuke will return obviously and yes, there will eventually be dialogue. These early chapters are just setting the stage. **

**This fic is important to me, because it is my first SasuSaku story. Therefore, reviews are appreciated. **

**Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Someone stop me! I need to update my other stories and I can't stop writing this one. My new obsession is Genma and Sakura for some odd reason that I cannot comprehend lol. And NaruIno? What is wrong with me? Apparently crack pairings are becoming my new love lol. ANWAYYYY…Thank you so much for your reviews!! I seriously almost fell off my chair with your amazing comments!**

**I don't own Naruto nor do I own **_**Beautiful Disaster **_**by **_**Kelly Clarkson.**_

**This chapter is dedicated to **IDontNeedToReply** for the longest review I've ever received! Thanks again, and I'm sorry you didn't find that spider lol.**

**OOOOO**

-

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Three_

_-_

_He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know._

_He's as damned as he seems, but more heaven then a heart could hold._

_-_

Time passes too quickly for your liking, and before you know it, you are already fifteen. You've had three solid years of training under the Hokage, and you are now a respected medic-nin. _One of the youngest in history_, they tell you, and your smile is forced. Because to you, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how strong you are, how many people you've saved, how many families you've put back together, because in the end, you've failed. You've failed to keep your own family together, you've failed to save your best friend, and you've failed yourself.

...But _that_ small voice pops into your head and reminds you why you go on: _Because it's not over. There's still time._

And _that_ voice is right.

So you smile and say, "Thank you. Tsunade-shishou is the best teacher someone could ever ask for."

She_ is_ a great teacher when it comes to textbooks, but it's more than that. She's taught you respect, confidence, loyalty, and to _never give up hope._

Because she has, she's given up hope on her teammate, and she regrets it every day.

You remember once when you asked her to teach you how to get rid of the pain, and you remember the way she smiled sadly,

_"Not all lessons can be taught."_

-

The day Naruto returns from his years of training is a blur.

You remember crying and running into his arms, and you distinctly remember him hugging you—as though seeing you was the greatest thing on Earth.

When he finally sets you on your feet, he smiles brightly and you break down in laughter. You laugh harder than you have in years because _he's here and he's real._

It's been hard for you without him, but you know why he had to leave.

Because he's finding a way.

-

When you stand in the Hokage's office, she is looking at you while explaining your mission.

"Your mission is the retrieval of Uchiha Sasuke."

…And your chest hurts. Her gaze softens, and you know she can detect your erratic heartbeat and heavy breathing. It doesn't matter what anyone says, the Hokage is a sympathetic woman. She knows how hard this is for you, because you both know that no one can guess what you will find.

How badly has he changed?

She knows that you and Naruto—and Kakashi—are all holding on to hope.

_Don't give up hope, Sakura. Never give up hope. Sometimes, it's the only thing that can keep you going._

She told you that once, and you knew of whom she was speaking.

_Orochimaru_

It seemed odd how history seemed to be repeating itself. But you can see the truth in her eyes as she speaks. No matter what he does, Orochimaru will always be her teammate—

_Friend first._

And nothing else matters.

-

You don't like the new addition to your team. He reminds you too much of _him_. And no, it's not just the looks. It's the personality.

Cold, mysterious, _unfeeling._

But there's something else about him that you don't like—because it makes your heart throb painfully.

_You don't know what he's after_.

-

The day you set out to retrieve him, Naruto is energetic, but there is a falter in his step that speaks louder than his bright smile.

He is nervous.

But how could he not be? You all are, truth be told.

You don't know what to expect.

-

When you finally see him, it is hard to hear what he's saying. The adrenaline coupled with the pounding of your heart makes it hard to hear.

The only thought in your mind is: _He's so beautiful._

"Sakura, huh?" He says to you, and you can't imagine how wide your eyes are. His voice is so smooth—it reminds you of the silk of a kimono, or the smooth texture of chocolate.

"Sasuke-kun." You whisper, and you mentally slap yourself for adding the -kun. He doesn't deserve it.

And if you were honest with yourself, you would have admitted that he doesn't deserve you, Naruto, or Kakashi. He doesn't deserve your smiles, your words of encouragement, your friendship—your _heart_.

_How could he do this?_ You ask yourself repeatedly.

...And then you remember: He doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand that power isn't everything—_strength _is.

And Naruto is stronger than Sasuke.

—_always has been, always will be_—

And then he lunges, and panic grips you so tightly, it's no wonder your heart continues to beat.

_Not again, not again!_ The mantra repeats over and over in your head as your muscles prepare to spring.

...But Sasuke simply stands in front of Naruto, speaking softly, and you can see Naruto shaking—whether out of anger or sadness, you do not know.

Sasuke's blank—_dead_—eyes flitter briefly to you, so quickly that you believe you are imagining it…

And you try—you try _so hard_—to block out the rational side of you that says, _he doesn't care about you, or Team 7. He probably hasn't thought of your faces at all in three years…_

Your hands start shaking at the thought, and you watch as Sasuke's hand reaches for his katana. It happens in an instant, and the next thing you know, the sword is moving quickly towards Naruto's neck.

"Naruto!" You yell so loud, your voice cracks, and before you can register what's happening, your legs are carrying you to them.

You shiver slightly from chills as they trickle across your skin. They only thing making sense to you right now is the fact that Naruto isn't moving_—why?—_and you're thinking_:_

_I can't lose another._

And then you hear metal on metal, and skid to a halt.

Blinking, you think, _Sai?_

-

Sai and Sasuke engage in battle, and you can't move. You are staring—staring and trying to figure out how in the world this is the person you love. How can a person be so selfish? How can a person leave behind the people that love him in pursuit of revenge? You don't know the answer—but then again, you don't really have time to ponder it when you realize Sasuke is coming at you, full speed, katana poised to strike.

Your eyes widen and _Sharingan be damned_, you hold his gaze. From somewhere in front of you, you hear, _"Sakura!"_ but all your panic fades when you see the look in his eye.

Perhaps there are those who would say that he is talented at hiding his emotions, and for most, that would be true—_but not for you._

There is no malice there, no intent to kill, and if they were watching closely, the others would have seen the slight hesitation in Sasuke's movement. He isn't using his full speed. The shock in your eyes lessens slightly as a different emotion takes it place: _pain._

You realize what he is doing, and it hurts so bad, it's hard to believe that you can even _feel_ anymore.

_He wants you to forget him._

So he will pretend to be your enemy, all the while pushing you away in an attempt to ease his pain. He is trying to forget Team 7, but you smile slightly because you know,

_Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it._

So you don't move, and you know the others will wonder why, and instead, you keep your eyes locked to his.

_Because even if you don't understand him, you know him better than anyone else._

And he won't kill you.

He _can't_ kill you.

But Yamato is there before you can blink, his wood shielding you from the—_pretend_—attack.

Your mind cannot process everything that quickly, and before you know it, Sasuke is standing there with Orochimaru. You have to physically restrain the muscles in your legs to keep yourself from running towards them.

What you would do if you reached them, you don't really know.

Sasuke does not look at you again as he disappears, but you really didn't expect him to.

After all, you've seen all you needed to see.

He still cares for you after all this time, and you know that _one day_, you will meet again…

-

_One day, Sasuke. One day, I will save you, _you promise him.

You will never lose hope. Because after all, _there is still time—_

**OOOOO**

**By the way, the quotes at the beginning of each chapter are lyrics to the song that inspired the chap.**

**Reviews will help me get out the next chapter!**

**Until next time.**

**P.S. **_Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it _**is a quote by **_Montaigne._


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys have no idea how much your reviews mean to me. Thank you so much! And by now I'm sure you've realized that everything so far has been my interpretation of the manga, but from now on, I've changed things. But there still will be current spoilers!**

**I don't own Naruto.**

_Chapter dedicated to: JadedSiren who seems to be in competition with IDontNeedToReply for longest reviews. Lol. Thank you guys so much. Your kind words are what helped me with this chapter. _

**OOOOO**

_-_

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Four_

_ -_

_I go nowhere high; go nowhere warm, until you're by my side, your hand in mine. _

_And I've always known, you're like a feather; you go where wind and fire melt together…_

_ -_

There is an important decision to be made, and you are thankful it's not up to you.

Because if it was…you'd go after him.

But everyone already knows your opinion, so they don't ask.

"Mission status: Failure." From somewhere on your left, Yamato is speaking and you resist the urge to sigh. It still feels strange that Kakashi is not here. And you're almost uncomfortable with Yamato—as though he doesn't _quite_ fit into Team 7.

And maybe he doesn't fit. But then again, he doesn't understand. He wasn't your teacher when you were twelve. He wasn't there to see everything that happened between the four of you, wasn't there for every failure and success.

Of course he doesn't understand. How could he?

Looking up from the ground, you see that Naruto staring hard at a point over your shoulder, a battle in his eyes. For him, you know that both choices are unacceptable. Abandon your best friend, or abandon your dreams.

…_But there is another choice_, harder than those.

And it's a choice that no one says out loud: _Let him go._ Not abandon, but _trust_ that he will return.

But you know that putting your trust in someone who's betrayed you is a hard thing to do.

—_but _has_ he betrayed you? Has he ever done anything to you except tell you the truth that you didn't want to hear? Is that betrayal?_

But if there is anyone who can trust him, it's the two of you. After all, you conscience is right…you never _really_ gave up hope in the first place.

You don't know if Naruto saw the way Sasuke hesitated, but if he did, than Naruto should already know what to choose.

You both need time. Time to grieve, time to move on, time to _grow._

Sasuke left because it was _his_ time, and now it's yours.

"Naruto," you say firmly, no waver in your voice. His eyes snap to you, and you can see his eyes are slightly wet. You hold out your hand to him, a silent invitation, and he slowly walks forward. You grasp his hand and hold it firmly, ignoring the way he is shaking.

"Come on. Let's go home," you whisper as you look up at him.

"But Sakura-chan, we can't just—" He begins, but you don't let him finish.

"Not today, Naruto," you say, stronger than you actually feel, hoping you are making the correct choice. You do not break eye contact with him, as you wait for the pieces to fit together in his mind.

_Today's not the day we chase him. _

You shake your head slightly.

_Not today. _

Naruto looks at you like you're the strangest creature he's ever seen, his brows knitted together. But then he blinks, and the determinative look reappears. "Hm." He nods, and you know that you are thinking the same thing.

He is your best friend, and you are bonded. And for Sasuke, that means that there is no escape.

You don't let go of Naruto's hand as you begin to start the trek home.

-

If you had turned around, you would have seen the way Yamato was looking at the two of you. First, his face betrayed shock that you would chose to return to Konoha instead of chasing the missing-nin.

And then you would have seen Yamato's small smile as his head bent forward slightly, as though trying to hide his pride in the two of you.

It was that moment when he finally understood.

Team 7 had a bond that could never be broken.

-

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan," he says to you, his eyes sincere, as you approach the gates.

But you smile at him and shake your head slightly, your hands still connected.

"There's nothing to forgive."

And it's the truth.

XXXXX

It seems darker in Konoha than you remember, but you don't have to question why that is. Walking to Team 7's old training grounds, you stare off into the night, reveling in the quietness of the village.

Looking up, the stars are alight.

It seems strange to you that the darkness would give you hope, but it does. Perhaps because it reminds you of him—dark, but with qualities more beautiful than the sun. You smile wistfully, shocked that there are no tears in your eyes. You take a deep breath and wonder if he is looking up at the same sky as you.

Because if he is, he'd realize you are more connected than he chooses to believe.

Perhaps the breeze flowing through the trees is a sign, perhaps it is not, but you've always chosen to believe the best, so why stop now?

_Don't give up, Sakura._

You knew that's what he wanted to say that night. He wasn't going to apologize for his actions—and you didn't want him to. But you knew that he _needed_ you to have faith in him. Maybe that what keeps him sane—knowing that there are _two_ people who believe in him.

And its nice knowing that at some level, he doesn't want to disappoint you.

A few yards away from you are the three stumps where Naruto was tied during the bell test. Smiling slightly, you walk over to them, remembering when Sasuke offered Naruto his lunch. You shake your head slightly, remembering that day three years ago; a day when you thought everything was fine.

Heaving a sigh, your head tilts as your eye catches a gleam of silver metal sitting atop the right stump.

The one that _you_ had leaned against that day.

Eyes widening, you reach out and grab the metal object, your fingers clearing off the dirt and dust the object has accumulated.

It's a small silver key with an Uchiwa fan on it. You don't know what it's to, but it obviously Sasuke's, and he meant it to be yours.

You fingers wrap around it and you close your eyes, hoping wherever he is, he can hear you.

_I won't give up, Sasuke._

XXXXX

Weeks pass, and the two of you find yourselves sitting at Ichiraku, trying very hard not to notice the lack of your third teammate. You've successfully been able to avoid the topic of _him_, but everything comes to the surface when Naruto snaps at a patron.

"What are you doing? You can't sit there!" Naruto is yelling at some poor man who tries to sit on the stool Sasuke usually occupies. Your head snaps forward, and you swallow in an effort to keep the tears at bay. It is a strange emotion you are feeling: a mixture of sadness that _he's_ gone, and the heartbreak you feel that Naruto is so protective of a symbol. Because to him, Sasuke is there in memory. And it's one of the most heartbreaking things you've ever witnessed.

The man moves, not wanting to make an argument, and Naruto's head slowly returns to stare straight ahead, returning to gaze at something he has been looking at for the past ten minutes.

You look from your bowl of ramen to his profile, and you are not shocked to see his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Trying to swallow once more, your hand finds his shoulder.

"Eat, Naruto," you say softly because if you said it any louder, your voice would crack.

His head turns to look you dead in the eye, and you can no longer hold back the tears when you see how defeated he looks.

"Did we make the right decision, Sakura-chan?" He asks you, looking as though his life depends on your answer.

And even though it does, you answer him truthfully,

"Yes." And you nod slightly.

He blinks a few times, and studies you as though looking for conviction. Then his smile becomes wide, contradicting the tears in his eyes.

"Yes." He reaffirms, removing your hand from his shoulder to grasp it in his own.

He picks up his chopsticks and begins to eat, not letting go of your hand, which is now resting on his right thigh.

It is suddenly hard to speak when you realize _just how much_ you need each other. Naruto asked you a question that his happiness very well depended on, and with your one word answer, he is satisfied.

And you pray—perhaps naively—that the two of you will always have each other.

"Yes, yes we did," he says again, and this time, he says it with confidence.

Your eyes flicker to the empty seat to his left, and you pick up your chopsticks, bringing the steaming noodles to your mouth.

One day, _he_ will be sitting on the stool next to you.

And just like that, Naruto starts talking as though the previous ten minutes never happened.

XXXXX

You don't know what makes you do it, but a part of you needs to _see_. Perhaps if you see the way he lived, you can try to _begin_ to understand him.

Removing the key from your pocket, you slip it into the lock of apartment number 18—the apartment Sasuke had inhibited everyday since the massacre of his family. The apartment was in a nice district of Konoha, and you figure its because the Uchihas were well off back then. And although it's morbid to think, Sasuke had probably inherited a lot of money being that he was the only (_sane_) survivor.

Pushing open the door, you don't like the cold feeling that meets you. You still don't know why Sasuke left you the key to his apartment, and you don't understand why he didn't just hand it to you, but then again, perhaps the confrontation would have been to much for him to handle.

You smile slightly, because for someone who claims to be unaffected by everything not involving Itachi, Sasuke really is quite emotional.

You step into his living room, keeping your eyes peeled for anything that Sasuke might want you to find. But everything seems to be in place: his living room has no furniture, and his kitchen is bare, save for a small white refrigerator.

That only leaves one more place: his bedroom.

Walking slowly to the room at the end of the hall, you push the white door open, ignoring the way it creaks. Sticking your hand in, you reach for a light switch and flick it. His electricity works for some reason, and you shrug it off to the fact that he can probably afford to pay his electricity bill for the next twenty lifetimes.

Scanning the white-walled room, your eyes pass over the bed in the corner that still had dark blue sheets on it.

_Why did he never surrender his apartment? _

As your eyes pass over his bare brown dresser, your gaze stops at an overturned picture frame. Something hits you hard in the chest, and you figure it is hope. Did Sasuke have a picture of Team 7? You don't know, but you find yourself walking forward.

But when you pick it up, your brow furrows when you realize that there is no picture in it. Why would he overturn an empty frame?

And then your eyes widen when you realize: whatever the picture was, _Sasuke brought it with him. _

And he wanted you to know.

It doesn't matter to you what the picture was of, because frankly, it could only be two things: a picture of Team 7 or his family.

It doesn't matter what it is, because to you it is another sign: there really is a part of Sasuke that has remained untainted.

And it is _that_ piece that you must fight for with every fiber of your being.

**OOOOO**

**Some of you have been talking about the ANGST! Lol, yes it will be angsty for a while, but stick with me and you will be rewarded. **

**NOTE: Sakura will hardly ever refer to Sasuke as **_**Sasuke-kun!**_** partly because I absolutely detest when she says that, and it makes her seem immature. It's for no other reason than that. **

**Until next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you so much for your reviews!!_

_I don't own Naruto._

_Time skip! (Last one) Enjoy!_

OOOOO

-

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Five_

_-_

_I'm the first to know, my dearest friends, even if your hope has burned with time_

_Anything that is dead shall be re-grown, And your vicious pain, your warning sign_

_You will be fine…_

_Hey oh here I am, and here we go, life's waiting to begin…_

_-_

You find it almost amusing that even though you've had six years (six _years_!) to ponder about this day, it's nothing like what you had imagined.

(_Nothing ever is_)

You imagined that he would stumble through the gates, maybe in the middle of the night, bleeding profusely. You pictured that they would find him the next morning—dead already from blood loss. It was too bad no one found him sooner.

(_As usual, __you're always just a moment too late_)

He would be buried at the cemetery in the Uchiha Compound, (_next to the rest of his entire family_) and there would be debate about whether or not to inscribe his name into the memorial stone. The critics would say _absolutely not! The boy is a traitor!_ And everyone else (you, Naruto and Kakashi) would be the only ones who say yes; he died fighting for what he believed in, and even though he betrayed his friends, he never betrayed his village.

(_It's the same thing_, a voice whispers in your head. _You don't know if he betrayed Konoha's secrets…_

_You don't know him at all_)

But you ignore it.

Tsunade wouldn't agree with you. Sasuke's name would not be carved into the stone, because no one would ever know the things he _really_ did, as if killing Orochimaru and Itachi didn't matter.

So you'd go to the funeral… and there'd only be the three of you there. After all, no one has time for _traitors._

...But that was only a dream.

You never imagined he'd waltz through the gates one sunny afternoon as if he'd never left in the first place, in seemingly perfect good health (_and still heartbreakingly beautiful)_ ignoring the guards that swarmed around him.

And you damn well never thought he'd be staring at you, not breaking eye contact as you stood a few yards away, mouth open and eyes wide.

_(And it scares you, because why is he looking at you like that? And why is he smirking?)_

And then he is gone with the guards—to the Hokage's office, you assume, but instead of racing towards the tower, you speed off in the opposite direction.

And run straight to Naruto's apartment.

Pounding on the door, you can hear his hurried footsteps across the wood.

"Naruto." You say, your voice a mixture of anger, relief and fear as he opens the door. Naruto's smile slips from his face when he sees your distress, and you find it hard to come up with the right words. He seems concerned for you, but before he has time to ask—

"Sasuke—" You swallow audibly, and Naruto's eyes widen—

"He's—he's back."

—then narrow.

You're breathing heavily now, though it's not quite clear why. You've both been waiting for this for six years, but the anxiety and apprehension balled in you stomach is beginning to cause discomfort.

Naruto's mouth is set in a fine line as he steps out of his apartment, grabs your wrist, and jumps onto the roof.

You had imagined this day differently, and you almost wish that it happened the way you imagined it.

(_It would be easier if he were dead)_

Because you do not want to face him.

You don't want to face the pain.

(_Or your heart_)

-

Your heart is pounding so hard in your ears that you can't hear Naruto knock on the Hokage's door.

"Naruto-kun. Sakura-chan," Shizune begins brightly from somewhere behind you, obviously hoping you haven't realized the situation, "I'm afraid Tsunade-sama is quite busy right now—"

As you both turn around to face her, she sees your expressions and her own turns from horror to sadness in the span of a few short seconds.

She sighs and you swear you hear her mutter _damn it_ under her breath, but instead of nodding like you think she will, she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry you two, but you can't go in there." She is looking at only you while she explains, and you know the reason why.

(_Because everyone has a soft spot for the blonde haired boy whose emotions are infectious—the one who will become the greatest leader in history. Everyone finds themselves believing in him, even when it seems all hope is lost…_)

"I'm sorry Shizune-san," Naruto says, "But I'm afraid you can't stop us." He says it with conviction, as though he really _is_ sorry, and once again, you can see this man becoming your leader.

She doesn't respond to the empty threat, but neither does she move.

So Naruto steps forward, knocking on the door while fully expecting to be turned away. (_Though you know that he won't leave until he's let into that room._)

"Tsunade-sama," he begins, and you know his politeness is due to his desperation to get inside, "let us in."

There are a few seconds before her answer, and you are holding your breath. You can feel an oncoming headache, perhaps due to the fact that you desperately want to go and see him, and you desperately want to run away at the same time.

But then you hear Tsunade say wearily, "Come in you two." And you know there's no turning back. Naruto pauses for a moment before putting his hand on the knob, and you can see him taking a steadying breath.

"It'll be okay, Sakura-chan," he says quietly, "I'll protect you."

And you smile as your eyes begin to sting, because not only do you trust Naruto with your life, you trust him with your heart. (_And although you will never tell him, you feel guilty and angry at the same time that your heart won't ever be his. Because unfortunately for Naruto, there's one battle in which he will never beat Sasuke._)

(_And what you'll never tell Sasuke is that there's a part of you that wishes Naruto could win that battle._)

But you blink the tears back, because now is not the time. So you thread your fingers through his and he opens the door.

You can feel a quick heartbeat drumming through your connected hand, but you can't tell whether it is yours or Naruto's. You hope it's Naruto's, because the heartbeat is a familiar lull that reminds you that _Naruto is still here, and he won't leave. He's standing right beside you, alive, and perhaps he's the only one who can make this right._

_Maybe he's the glue that will hold Team 7 together…because he's the one who's held you together these past six years. _

You walk in, greeted by thick silence, and Naruto closes the door behind you. When he turns back around, you let him lead you a few feet further into the office, although you notice that Naruto keeps you a safe distance from Sasuke.

You swallow as you let your eyes wander to see Sasuke kneeling in front of Tsunade's desk, flanked by three ANBU guards, and Kakashi leaning against the wall next to the window, his normally lazy eye now quite alert.

Your eyes meet Tsunade's, but you find it hard to decipher what she's thinking because she's the Hokage now, not your teacher. Tsunade's eyes drift to your intertwined hands and just when you are about to avert your gaze, she nods her head almost imperceptibly, telling you the same thing Naruto told you minutes before.

_It'll be okay._

And you nod back.

There's silence in Tsunade's office, and it is obvious that no one really knows what to say first.

"Well," Kakashi begins, "This is not how I imagined our reunion." He scratches his chin, as if thinking about something, but you can tell that his tone if forced. He's trying to make light of the situation, perhaps to make this easier, but you know how Kakashi really feels on the subject.

He believed Sasuke deserved to die. Because to Kakashi, your friends are more important than your village.

(_And when you think about it, you realize he's right_)

You know that Kakashi always thought it would be Naruto who would kill Sasuke in the future, but what you didn't realize was that Kakashi pictured it as a mercy killing. Something Naruto must do for his friend. Because if it were anyone else, they'd make Sasuke suffer.

(_And even though Sasuke is worse than trash, Naruto doesn't see it that way. Because for him, there isn't anybody on the planet who is past the point of redemption_)

And that thought has changed Kakashi's opinion, because maybe…maybe Naruto's right.

"Not how I imagined it at all…" Kakashi whispers, though loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

"You are dismissed." Tsunade says, and the three ANBU disappear in a flash, leaving Sasuke kneeling on the ground.

She slowly walks around her desk, pinching the bridge of her nose, her eyes firmly shut.

"You don't have any idea how much trouble you've caused, Uchiha." And she stops in front of her desk, leans back and opens her eyes again.

"Though…I doubt you care." She smirks slightly. "You never were one to care about anyone else but yourself." Her eyes never waver from his form, and although you can't be sure, you imagine that Sasuke is not quite meeting her eye.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you." She snaps as she confirms your suspicions. "You've got a lot of nerve coming back here after what you did."

"What exactly did I do to you?" He asks, and you can't fight the slight shiver that covers your body at the sound of his voice. He sounds so different…and exactly the same. His voice is deeper, smoother, but still carries the cold condescending tone he used when he was 12.

"Rudeness won't count well in your favor, Uchiha, so lose the attitude." Tsunade was starting to get angry now, her legendary temper starting to flare.

And wisely, Sasuke chooses not to answer.

She stares at Sasuke for a long time, and you imagine he is staring back. What she sees in his cold appearance, you do not know… but you hope that she sees some humanity left. There has to be, because if there's not…

"I heard you killed Orochimaru. Is that correct?" She asks, her tone authoritative.

"Yes."

"And Itachi?" There is something in her tone that is off. But you can't quite put your finger on it...

"Of course. That's why I returned." He says with a scoff and you cringe slightly. Sasuke would learn quickly that she demanded his respect... because if he continued to talk to her like this, he would find himself punched all the way to Suna.

... Although, perhaps that wouldn't be a _bad_ thing...

You see Tsunade raise her brow. "Ah." She smirked. "How silly of me to think that you might have done something rational... Congratulations on that, by the way. It only took you..." She looks at her pretend watch and you realize what she's doing. "Six years."

She's trying to wound his ego.

(_Because perhaps damaging his pride is the only way to get through to him_

_Because after all, all he cares about is himself, right?)_

"Well done." She says sarcastically, smirking slightly.

Again, he choses not to respond.

(_So if he's killed Itachi, does that mean he's back for good?_)

(..._Do you _want_ him to be back for good?)_

"However, your punishment isn't my problem, Uchiha." She states plainly after a long silence, her arms now crossed under her chest. Her eyes dart quickly to Naruto, and you can see her fighting a smile.

You freeze, wondering if she means—

"That will be for the next Hokage to decide."

And your eyes are wide, as you can feel Naruto's stiffness beside you.

Tsunade looks from Sasuke to Naruto and you can see that her gaze softens.

"Naruto…?" She trails off uncertainly, and there is a small smile on her lips.

"But…why—you—why are you telling me this _now_?" Naruto's voice cracks, and you figure it is from happiness.

"Because I wanted to tell you in front of your entire team." And her smile is warm now. She moves from leaning against her desk, steps in front of Naruto and places her hand on his shoulder. "And I knew how much that would mean to you."

You can hear Sasuke scoff in the background—and you have the overwhelming desire to hit him—but as Tsunade steps back from Naruto, she deliberately kicks him in the leg.

So you squeeze Naruto's hand before you let go and wrap your arms around his neck. "Congratulations, Naruto." You whisper, and he is still frozen.

"Celebrate later, Sakura." Tsunade says, though not sternly, and you release him. "Naruto. I expect your decision for Sasuke's punishment by tomorrow before noon."

You can see that Naruto is having a tough time processing everything that has happened in the past hour, and yes, it's a lot to handle, but you understand why she is doing it.

Because if there is anyone in this situation who has suffered the most from Sasuke's deflection, it is Naruto. And it is fitting that he should decide the most suitable punishment.

And it also hurts Sasuke's pride a bit, because shouldn't there be some sort of official meeting or trial or something? Surely his actions were more important than having some jounin decide…?

_(And you're sure that Tsunade is enjoying every moment of this…)_

"Hai, baa-chan." And Naruto smiles his trademark goofy smile as Tsunade rolls her eyes, unable to keep the slight smirk off her face.

"Hokage-sama…" Kakashi steps forward, speaking for the first time in minutes.

The smirk leaves her face, and she nods solemnly. "Kakashi, I will trust you to take him to the prisons while Naruto decides his fate."

You can see Kakashi nod, as he steps forward to help Sasuke to his feet.

"One more thing, Uchiha," Tsunade says and steps directly in front of him. "While you're sitting in your cell, I want you to remember how lucky you are that you've got friends who love you… Because trust me when I tell you, that if it were up to me, I wouldn't be so lenient." She finishes in a whisper.

As Kakashi turns Sasuke around to leave, Naruto pulls you to the side to let them pass. You can't imagine the expression on your face when Sasuke passes by you, staring at you (_again_) with something in his gaze that you've never seen before.

He…looks like he wants to tell you something.

But Kakashi shoves him forward not too gently, and in a blink, they are gone.

"Think hard, Naruto. I expect you to come up with something… fitting." The Hokage says as she sits back down behind her desk.

(_Of course you want him to stay. Because even if forgiveness is not something Sasuke deserves... you'll forgive him, because it's the right thing to do._

_And maybe you're a bit selfish, because you know that forgiving him will ease some of your pain... but hey, you've endured six years of worrying and suffering and nightmares and tears, so why can't you be selfish for once?_)

"Hai." He says, and still gripping your hand, you both walk out of Hokage Tower and step into the late-afternoon sun.

"Today's the beginning, Sakura-chan!" Is the last thing he says to you as he makes his way back across the village, leaving you standing in the street pondering his words.

_Today is the beginning._

Of what? The rest of your life? ...No, that can't be.

...Could it?

But today is the start of _something_—maybe the next stage of your life, your happiness, Sasuke's peace, or the fact that the missing piece of your soul is back in place. Something lifted off your chest today; a pressure was released, and you find it ironic that you ever stopped noticing it was there in the first place.

Maybe Naruto's right... Today _is_ the beginning.

(_Because where it all started is where it all will end_)

Because today is the day you can finally breathe.

OOOOO

_Hm… I've noticed that this story is somewhat different from my usual writing style. So consider this an experiment of sorts. I liked this chapter, and if you did too, please leave me a review._

_Thanks._

_Until next time!_

_Song: Angels and Airwaves—The Adventure_


	6. Chapter 6

_I thank each of you who review. It really makes me smile when I read them. I hope you like the 'punishment.' _

_I don't own Naruto._

_Enjoy!_

_Timeline: Continues right after the previous chapter. No time skip. _

_Sorry I've never mentioned this before, but if there is any confusion, '-' dashes between paragraphs indicate time skips within the same day, while 'XXXXX' indicate time skips of different periods of time. _

_-_

_-_

_-_

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Six_

_-_

"_Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone's here. Everybody's watching _

_you now. Everybody waits for you now. What happens next?"_

-

You don't know why this bothers you.

You should be grateful that it's Naruto deciding Sasuke's fate and not a council…but the fact that Naruto is going to decide Sasuke's punishment unnerves you more than it should.

(_And you feel guilty that you're even feeling this at all, because doesn't Naruto deserve this? _

_Don't _you_ deserve this?)_

But maybe that's it. Maybe you feel so uncomfortable because this _isn't_ about you. Feeling sorry for yourself makes you just as selfish as Sasuke.

So then where does this end?

There must come a point when someone stands up and says _I forgive you,_ and mean it.

Because there's no such thing as partial forgiveness.

(_And you don't know if you're at a point where you can forgive him. Because why forgive someone who shows no remorse? Is he even sorry?_

_Does he even care?)_

Will there ever be a point when Team 7 can honestly put this behind them? Will ever be a time when you, Naruto or Kakashi can go on a mission with Sasuke and not be afraid that he's going to walk off in the middle of the night? Will you ever again be able to trust him with your life? With Naruto's life?

(_…With your heart?_)

You don't want to live in fear—and that's what the real problem is.

_You don't trust him._

And in order to forgive, you must trust first.

(_He must care because if he didn't, why come back?)_

You will forgive him when he proves to you that he can pick himself up off the floor. When he proves to you that he can move on with his life. That he can _let it go_—

And live.

_(You will forgive him in time…When he proves to you it's worth it to put your heart back on the table)_

Turning on your heel, you follow Naruto through the village.

There are things you need to discuss.

-

"Have you made any decisions?" You ask when you finally catch up to Naruto at Ichiraku's.

His smile is bright. "I have ideas. But do you think I would make a decision without you, Sakura-chan?" He folds his arms behind his head and grins.

You smile and exhale.

"I have some ideas, too," you admit as you sit next to him.

His smile is replaced with a look of seriousness. "Let's hear it then," he says, and you can't remember the last time you heard Naruto sound apprehensive.

You know that he will never think anything you say is idiotic, so you tell him the truth.

"Taking away his ninja status or forbidding him to leave the village will only serve to piss him off."

Naruto nods.

"I don't know if this will work, but I want to give it a try…"

"I'm listening," Naruto says, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I want him to realize the consequences of his actions," you say, and it's the truth. You want him to realize how his selfishness affects others—but not with regards to Team 7.

You want him to recognize other people's pain.

(_And maybe the something that lifted off your shoulders was the guilt. Because you feel guilty that you are still so angry and hurt. You feel guilty because there are people out there who have suffered much more immensely than you_)

"I want him to, too, Sakura-chan, but how do we do that?"

An idea strikes you at that moment, and it terrifies you.

(_Because you've gambled on Sasuke before…and look where it brought you_)

You're going to give him one last chance. And if he doesn't come back, this time you'll know that it's time to let him go.

And even though what you're about to do is frightening, it excites you at the same time—because you're going to hand him his chance on a silver platter.

It's the only last chance he'll ever receive.

XXXXX

It's lunchtime the next day, and you are all in Tsunade's office, waiting for her to arrive. You are switching your weight from one leg to another, your hands playing nervously with the hem of your skirt. You want to see him…and at the same time you don't. The way your heart is pulling you in different directions is almost painful.

"Sakura-chan. Are you okay?" Naruto asks from somewhere in front of you.

"Stop," you whisper to yourself. Why are you being so absurd? "This is ridiculous."

"Sakura-chan, are you talking to yourself?" Naruto grins.

"Yes," you answer simply. _Stop acting like a child, Sakura. Stop it. _

"She got called into a meeting," Kakashi says as he steers Sasuke into the office. Sasuke's outfit is different than what you remembered, and you briefly wonder if you just didn't notice what he was wearing yesterday. His pants are black and baggy, his shirt is black as well. It looks almost robe-like, as it is almost completely open in the middle. He is also wearing long black arm-guards, which make his arms seem more defined. There are tattoos on his wrists, seals perhaps, and you figure that his captors removed his bandages. Your eyes travel from his wrists back up his arms, and your eyes immediately go to the floor, hoping the blush on your face is not visible.

You take a step back, not wanting to be close to him, because he has been in the office for thirty seconds, and the all the feelings you held for him come rushing back.

(_But in reality it doesn't matter how far away you are from each other…because there is no place you can go to escape. It doesn't matter if he is one foot away or a thousand, your feelings will remain the same_)

Kakashi catches your eye and nods slightly in greeting before leaning against the wall next to the window.

(_And you haven't figured out whether or not Sasuke has realized that yet…)_

There is a long silence, as no one really knows where to begin. After a few minutes, Kakashi clears his throat.

"Who knows when she'll be back? Might as well get started…" He comments offhandedly.

"I don't think anyone in here wants to make small talk, so I'm just going to say what needs to be said," Naruto takes the bait. "I don't trust you anymore, Sasuke," he says simply from his spot leaning against the Hokage's desk, his arms folded over his chest.

"I don't trust you with my life, and I certainly don't trust you with Sakura's."

Sasuke doesn't even blink as he stands in the middle of the room, his onyx eyes fixed on Naruto's blue ones.

"If you ever let something happen to her," he takes a step closer as his voice drops an octave, "so help me God, I will show you the true meaning of pain."

You watch Sasuke closely, wondering if he will surprise you with some sort of emotion written on his face. A part of you thinks that he will scoff at the threat that he might view as empty, and another part of you thinks that maybe he _is_ different, and maybe he will begin to view Team 7 differently.

(_And you also watch him because you want some sort of explanation for the way he looked at you the other day. _

_What did he want to tell you?_

_...Do you even want to know?)_

So when Sasuke nods his head, you have to restrain your mouth from opening in shock.

(_Because you know that if he does care...things are about to get more complicated_)

But Naruto doesn't seem surprised that Sasuke just agreed. And instead of a smirk spreading across his face like you expect, Naruto's expression remains serious.

"Good." Naruto nods. "Then I have decided your punishment."

Sasuke's expression doesn't change, and if you were an outsider, you'd never guess he was about to learn his fate.

"I want the truth."

Your head snaps to Naruto, because _what is he talking about?_

Sasuke looks slightly disconcerted. "The truth?"

Naruto nods as he unfolds his arms and leans back on the Hokage's desk.

"Yes. I want your word that one day, you will give Sakura and me the truth about everything. I want you to give us 24 hours to explain every feeling, every emotion, every single thing you never told us, but wanted to."

You feel a strange sensation of wanting to cry and smile at the same time, because that is just so… Naruto.

(_And it's true what they say—what you've thought all along—if there is anyone who can change him, make him see, it is that blond boy. The one with the power to change others_)

You watch Sasuke and—_there!_

There it is. For one small moment you see some type of emotion cross Sasuke's face, and while you can't be sure what it is, you know that somewhere in there is gratitude.

"After one day, I don't really care if you go back to pretending to be the same cold-hearted bastard we all know and lo—"

"Fine." Sasuke snaps, obviously wanted to hear nothing more on the subject.

"You agree?" Naruto says, trying to mask the incredulity in his voice.

"Hn."

Naruto smiles. "Good."

"Naruto…" You say, urging him to continue, wanting to get out of this claustrophobic office as quickly as possible.

(_Because you need to get out of here. You need room to breathe, room to think._

_Room to figure out what they hell you're going to do if the hope you've held for him all these years has not been in vain_)

Naruto sighs dramatically. "I wanted you to work in the nursing home… but Sakura-chan said that was too harsh."

You roll your eyes.

"…But so funny…" Naruto whispers, and you're not sure if you're imagining it, but there seems to be a small smirk on Sasuke's face.

"Sakura-chan thinks that you're too selfish, and she wants you to recognize the pain of others…"

Sasuke's eyes finally meet yours, and you avoid the overwhelming sensation to avert your gaze. His eyes are…not so blank and cold as you once remembered.

"And I have to say that I agree with her. That's why I want you to choose between the following…"

Naruto trails off and you figure that the silence following his sentence is because he's waiting for Sasuke to look at him…but Sasuke's gaze remains locked on yours.

"Say it," Sasuke says to you, and it is the first time his tone is not so cold…but it's still so arrogant.

"You have a choice Sasuke," it's the first time you've said his name to his face in almost three years…and yet it remains so familiar. "You can either work with me in the hospital in the ward of my choice, helping wherever you can, or…" You trail off, wondering whether he will be able to hide his emotions with your following words.

"Or you can return to Sound and clean up the mess you left behind."

You fight the smile on your lips at the look of blatant shock on his face, because it's been a long time since you've seen an emotion that wasn't apathy.

"Did you ever consider the state of the people in Sound? I know Orochimaru and Kabuto were fucked up, but what about the villagers? Did you ever wonder what would become of them once you killed their Kage?" Naruto contributes.

For the first time in several minutes, Sasuke looks back at Naruto.

"They are better off without him." This time, there is anger in his tone.

"No one's saying you should have let him live, but that still doesn't negate the fact that they are leaderless," you say, and unsurprisingly, Sasuke looks at you again.

"One of my choices is to leave this village?" He asks, and you know that he is confused as to why you would decide this.

You shake your head and fight the urge to sigh.

"If you ever respected us enough to listen to what we say," your anger is beginning to get the better of you. "You would have realized that no one ever wanted to stop you from killing Itachi.

"And now we are giving you the chance to help people and hope that maybe…maybe you'll realize that people have worse pasts than you…and they've managed to move on just fine."

When Sasuke turns murderous looking, Naruto decides to interject. "We're not trying to gang up on you here, but we both think it would be fitting to see that… maybe you should be—"

But you cut him off. "That maybe you need to open your eyes." _You blind fool._

And there was an uncomfortable silence that follows because no one really knows how to respond.

"If I go, there is a chance I won't return."

"I think you'll find that if you leave, this time no one will come after you." You try and put as much venom in your voice as possible because the truth is… you're _tired._ Tired of this game of 'catch me if you can'…tired of being hurt and confused.

Tired of everything having to do with _him_.

"The Hokage will never agree to this."

"I think the Hokage would rather you leave and never return, frankly, so..." Kakashi adds from the window. Your eyes dart to him for a moment, and you suddenly feel stupid that you left Kakashi out of the discussion. But he nods almost imperceptibly and the softness of his visible eye tells you that he is proud of your decision.

"If I choose Sound, will anyone accompany me?"

His question catches you off guard because you wonder if he _wants_ you and Naruto to come.

So you ask even though you know he won't answer.

"Do you want us to come?"

He looks at you and _for the love of God_ you can see that he wants to answer.

But something holds him back.

(_And you know that you have to overcome his barrier. Because there is a part of him that really is just an 18 year-old boy who wants to put his past behind him._

_And you briefly wonder if maybe… maybe he doesn't know how_)

"Does Sound have a hospital?" You ask, and Sasuke's brow furrows in confusion.

"Yes."

"Well if Tsunade permits me, I will come for a few months and help train medic-nin." You say, and from the slight smirk on his face, you can see that Sasuke finally pieces it together.

"You always did have better chakra control than the rest of us." He says, and your eyes widen because you can't remember the last time he paid you a compliment.

"So you want to return to Sound, then?" You ask wanting his answer.

He is silent for a few moments, and again you can see that there is something else that he wants to say…but for some reason he hesitates saying it.

And you have a feeling that maybe he really _does_ want to try and right some of his wrongs.

(_Because after all, there aren't too many things he did right…_)

But after all this time… he still cannot tell you and Naruto what he truly feels.

"I will stay long enough to appoint a new Kage."

"No. You will stay long enough to find the right Otokage, not merely pick whoever you see first." You say, and it's almost surprising that you are talking to him like this because since when does fangirl Sakura order around _Sasuke-kun_?

Sasuke nods, although he can't quite hide the smirk on his face. "One year."

You nod as well, knowing it will take about one year to get a hospital going.

"One year."

Naruto, who watched your entire exchange with Sasuke, nods as well.

"Maybe Baa-chan will let me come because the Akatsuki will never think that I'm in Sound…But until I ask her, who's hungry?"

There it is again. The look on Sasuke's face that shows you he is forcing down his true emotion. You suppose it's always been there, but why have you never noticed it before?

Why on earth would he stop himself from smiling?

Itachi's dead, and therefore there is no longer a reason to pretend…so then why is he still doing it?

It seems that even though Sasuke had done the one thing he vowed to do, his defense mechanism is still intact.

And it was something that you promise yourself then and there, that one day, you will be the one responsible for breaking it down.

"Yeah," you say, smiling at Naruto, "you go ahead first, Naruto. We'll meet you there."

"Where are you—?"

"First, there's someone I want Sasuke to meet."

OOOOO

_Just so everyone is aware, this is going to be a long story—maybe somewhere between twenty and thirty chapters. I'm sure you won't mind, but I just thought I'd let you know. _

_Song: Switchfoot—Dare you to move_

_Sakura's Funeral will be updated next._

_Until next time!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you!! I threw in some KakaSaku because I simply couldn't resist. I am extremely happy with this chapter (and I apologize for the disaster that was chapter 6).**

**I don't own Naruto. **

**Enjoy!**

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_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Seven_

_-_

"_I've got to be honest, I think you know. We're covered in lies, and that's okay. _

_There's somewhere beyond this, I know. But I hope I can find the words to say._

_Never again, no, no, never again…"_

_-_

You lead Sasuke through the front doors of the hospital, and although he isn't showing it, you know he is wondering what you are planning. He doesn't speak though, you don't really expect him to anyway, and the silence allows you time to think. You want everything to work out between the three of you, really you do, but at the same time everything is moving so quickly. Sasuke's back, and you should be happy…but the residing anger is telling you that _this_ time…maybe you shouldn't jump in with both feet. Let him work at your friendship this time—let him decide whether or not he _really_ wants this.

You are not the same girl he knew when he was twelve, you do not wear your heart on your sleeve like you used to, but that doesn't mean the emotions you feel are any less intense. Your compassion has hurt you in the past…but this time, you are going to take things slowly.

And if you have to build a wall around you, so be it.

"Whatever you do," you say as your approach room 221, "never activate your Sharingan in front of him."

Although he doesn't give a verbal response, you can see him nod slightly out of the corner of your eye.

"Good Afternoon Kyou-kun," you greet walking through the door, "how are feeling today?" Sasuke's footsteps stop a few feet behind you.

"Okay. I had some bad dreams though…" His dark eyebrows scrunch together into a frown, and you can detect his quickened heartbeat. Whatever his dream was about (_and you have a feeling you already know_) it really scared him.

"Your usual nightmare?" Taking a step closer to the side of his bed, your hand meets his chest as you check for any abnormalities.

He nods his black head of hair. "Yes, except something different happened this time."

Your hand pauses momentarily, suddenly afraid of the possibilities. "What happened?"

He takes a deep breath. "This time, the man apologized."

Your entire body freezes, and your gaze snaps to Kyou's blue eyes. From his expression, you know that he is truthful.

"The man apologized to you?" You ask quietly, and it takes significant effort to mask the tightening of your throat.

"Yes, Sakura-sama," Kyou says, and his eyes begin to glisten with tears.

"What did you say to him?" You ask quickly, your own eyes beginning to burn slightly. You ignore Sasuke's almost awkward shuffling behind you.

"I forgave him," he says as if it's the simplest thing in the world, and your lips tighten into a line to keep them from trembling.

"Did I do the right thing?"

(_Of course he did the right thing. Because he is a child and he is not jaded yet._

_And you pray to whoever's listening that they spare this child from more heartache. Because you've seen what tragedy can do to people, and you can only hope he doesn't end up the same_)

All you can do is nod as you step back and grab his chart. "Yes, you did the right thing."

"Good," he grins, showing two missing teeth. "Because the only way I can accomplish my dream is to forgive this man."

Your hand pauses on his file, remembering Naruto's similar words.

"Your dream?" You try to smile to lighten up the mood. "You never told me you have a goal. What is it?"

"To be good enough to go to heaven and see my family again."

Despite your hope that your quick intake of breath wasn't audible, you know Sasuke could hear it. Kyou's smiling; your hands are trembling, and if you had been paying attention, you would have seen Sasuke's slightly widened eyes.

"Kyoutoshi," you begin, remembering your manners. "I'd like you to meet my—er—well, this is Sasuke." You gesture behind you, watching the odd expression on Kyou's nine-year-old face, praying it's not an expression of recognition.

"Sasuke," his name still sounds familiar on your tongue and you don't really know why, "this is Kyoutoshi." Sasuke nods minutely at Kyou, then immediately pins you with his piercing gaze.

Kyou's eyes travel from Sasuke back to you, and you force a smile on your face and clear your throat slightly.

"Let's take a look at those ribs of yours, shall we?"

-

"Why is he in the hospital?" Sasuke asks the moment you close the door behind you.

"His family was killed about a year ago by a missing-nin. Their bodies haven't been found yet. Kyou was severely injured and only woke up a few weeks ago. He suffers from occasional short-term memory loss, but I think he will make a full recovery in the future," you say, leaving the most vital piece of information out, wondering whether Sasuke will catch your lie.

And if he does, you don't know whether or not you want him to know the truth.

"Aa."

You walk down this particular hallway, wanting to see one more person before you leave.

You hold the door open to let Sasuke walk inside. His brow is raised, but you know that he will not ask.

"Good afternoon, Haruno-san, how are you feeling today?" And you can feel Sasuke stiffen beside you.

Your eyes land on the pink hair and bright face of your mother, who hasn't recognized you in over three years and probably never will.

"Ah. Sakura-san, I'm feeling well today, and yourself?"

"Very good," you say, and it never surprises you how hard it is to smile even after all this time.

"My daughter is coming to visit me later. Will you let me go for a walk?"

This time, Sasuke cannot hold back his shock as his head swiftly turns to you.

"Of course." Your smile is strained. "I would like you to meet my teammate, Sasuke."

She extends her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Sas—as in Uchiha Sasuke?" She asks, her eyes now wide. With a slight look of fear, her eyes slowly move to yours, not waiting for Sasuke to answer.

"My daughter's teammate's name was Sasuke…Sakura?" She whispers, and the recognition in her eyes cannot be missed. Her arms are shaking as she draws you into a hug, and even though her memory comes back often, it does not stop the overwhelming sense of loss you feel that she has such extreme memory loss at such a young age.

But then again, the damage her brain suffered was not a natural occurrence. It was a result of _that_ mission.

So you take a deep breath and hug her back, hoping that this will be the time that her memory comes back permanently. And maybe things will return to the way they were.

But when she pulls back and her eyes are confused, you cannot stop the feeling of hatred towards the man who did this to her.

"What are you doing, Sakura-san?" She asks you, cocking her head slightly.

You force a smile on your face and say,

"Checking your breathing."

-

"What happened to her?" He asks, and it surprises you that he says anything at all.

"She was on a mission to try and capture a missing-nin when she was hit in the head with a sword. There was severe brain damage, resulting in memory loss. She's lucid for a while…and then nothing," you say sadly, your grief momentarily overpowering your anger.

"Did she capture him?" He asks, again pinning you with his gaze for some reason you have yet to understand.

You look at him, wondering whether or not to tell him the truth, and there is sadness in his eye that you had never seen before…a look that tells you that maybe he is starting to piece it all together.

"No. When reinforcements found her…her entire team had been killed. But for some reason, she was left alive."

(_You have your suspicions as to why he left her alive. And even though you think it's because of her pink hair, you don't want to believe it. Because that would mean you are worth something more to him than he lets on. And it's easier to see him as a cold-blooded killer rather than the man who continues to hurt you_)

Your medic abilities tell you that Sasuke's breathing and heart rate increase as he walks next to you, and it's right then that you know he is beginning to understand.

"Do you know who she went after?" He asks quietly, and you wish he would act cold and uncaring, because that's easier to handle than guilt.

You stop walking and turn to face him, unsure as to why there are suddenly tears reflecting in your eyes.

(_Because it hurts. Everything hurts._

_And because you can't handle this anymore_)

But you don't let them fall.

"Yes," you say softly, hearing your own voice crack.

His brow furrows slightly, and for a moment, you think he is going to say something.

(_And you hope he doesn't apologize, because you know he wouldn't mean it if he did_)

"And your father?" He asks, trying to be cold, but failing horribly. You can tell his doesn't want the answer.

But the tears _do_ fall this time, no matter how hard you try to stop them, because the boy you love is the one who took away your family. And _damn_ what the hell is wrong with you?

Despite the fact that your lips are trembling with sorrow, you tell him the truth.

"He was one of her teammates," you mutter, and if there was ever a time in your life where you _deserved_ some type of emotional reaction from Sasuke, this is it.

For a few moments, he has the decency to look as horrified and shocked as you've ever seen.

(_Because he's taken away your family—something he had been chasing to kill his entire life. And maybe he swore he would never do that to another person, and maybe he didn't mean for their battle to escalate to death, and of course he didn't realize who they were, but what does it matter? How many other families did he kill? How many people's lives has he ruined?_

_All for the sake of killing the man who took away _his_ family_)

But the emotion leaves his face quickly, replaced again by apathy, and you know that he realizes the reasons for your actions.

But will he ever admit anything?

He is holding your gaze intensely, and while you can't be sure, you can imagine the battle going on inside of him. A caw of a crow reaches your ears then, and you almost miss it, too busy wondering what he is thinking.

"Hokage-sama wants us," you mutter, "let's go."

_(No, he won't. Not now, not ever) _

-

"I can't protect you there," is the first thing you hear Tsunade say from inside her office.

"…Can you protect me here?" Naruto is saying angrily, "Or just hide me?"

Shizune opens the door, knowing the Hokage is expecting you. You and Sasuke step into the office to see Tsunade sitting behind her desk and Naruto leaning forward against it, his knuckles white.

Tsunade was silent for a long moment, considering his words.

"If Akatsuki gets word of your location, as I am sure it will get out, you will need to come back immediately."

"Fine."

"Naruto," she says quietly, standing up and taking a step forward, "I'm sure I don't need to explain to you what would happen if they got their hands on Kyuubi—"

"I know, I know, the whole world would—"

"No," she said sternly, putting a hand in his shoulder, "you'd die."

Naruto is silent for a few moments, and it is obvious to you what he is thinking. That was perhaps the first time anyone had admitted out loud that maybe it's _Naruto's safety_ that is what matters. You knew it, Kakashi knew it, but it was Tsunade who said it aloud.

He would die. Yes, Akatsuki would get the Kyuubi, but the shinobi nations would find the power to stop them—but nothing would ever bring Naruto back.

"Screw the council. They will say that keeping you from Akatsuki would protect the village, but to me, it has nothing to do with Kyuubi. You'd die," she said again, waiting for his reaction. "That's the only thing that matters. Your personal safety is important because I know what you will do when it comes time for you to take over.

"And I know that you would never let anything happen to this village."

Naruto's stands up straight and lets his arms fall to his side. For a brief moment, it looks like he is debating hugging her, "you have my word, baa-chan."

"Good." She smiles softly, a rare smile that you have only seen a handful of times before. "Oh, and for the record..."

Her eyes dart to you, and you watch her expectantly.

"It was a good choice." There is pride in her voice, and you can't help the smile that forms on your face, knowing you have her approval.

"On the other hand," she begins, her smile vanishing. "It's not in your best interests to test me, Uchiha. If I get word of any wrong doing on your part, you will be a very sorry boy indeed."

Apparently learning from his mistakes yesterday, Sasuke nods. "Hai, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade looks stunned for a brief moment at his politeness before catching herself.

"I expect you to check in every month. I will see you in a year. Good luck."

"Hai!"

-

You immediately stop packing clothes when you feel a breeze coming from the now open window. Flinging a kunai, you turn in time to see Kakashi ducking out of the way.

"Sakura," he clicks his tongue, "why are you trying to kill your poor sensei? My heart can't take those kinds of surprises anymore…"

You roll your eyes, "what are you doing here Kakashi?"

He takes a deep breath as you return to your packing.

"He's not the same person you knew all those years ago, Sakura, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that, but I feel like I have a responsibility to say it out loud."

You sigh softly and drop your arms to your sides. "I know, Kakashi, and you don't have to say it out loud. I know he's different…"

You feel his hand on your shoulder and he tugs slightly, asking you to turn and face him.

"That's not exactly what I mean…"

You cock your head slightly. "Okay…?"

His visible eye watches yours for a moment before his gaze drops to the hand still on your shoulder. You can feel him fingering your hair slightly, and you know that he is stalling.

"Do you still love him?" He asks without looking at you.

You can feel your eyes widen. "What? How can you ask me that?"

His hand drops off of your shoulder and he looks up again. "How can I not? It's a viable question."

Scoffing, you pull back slightly. "It's not really much of your business is it?"

He is still close enough that you can hear him sigh quietly through his nose. "I'm not trying to pry into your personal life, Sakura, but I'm trying to figure out how to word what I want to say, and it would be easier if I knew how you felt."

You run your hand through your hair. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help. And as much as I don't want to admit it, his return has made me more…emotional." Your eyes dart over his shoulder.

"More emotional than usual?"

Your eyes meet his lone eye, and it's crinkling. Punching him in the arm slightly, you admit the truth.

"Honestly, Kakashi, I don't really know what I feel anymore. Is it possible to love someone who doesn't see you as any more than one of the teammates he had before he picked up and left six years ago?"

He shrugs, still waiting for your direct answer.

"No, I don't I love him. But yes, falling in love with him again is certainly possible." You smile sadly.

Your eyes drift to his mask-covered mouth, and you can see he opens it, closes it, and opens it again.

"I just want you and Naruto to be careful. I know you will be safe with Naruto around, and I know that he would fight to the death for you…but everyone's emotions run amok when Sasuke is involved."

"…"

"Just—be careful."

You nod, somewhat touched that Kakashi is concerned for you.

"I will."

He reaches out, and for a moment you're not sure whether he is going to put his hand on your arm or ruffle your hair, but he seems to think better of it and lets his hand drop to his side.

"…I never thought I would live long enough to see him come back," he says quietly, looking down, and this time it is you who reaches out and touches his bicep.

"What are you talking about?"

He looks back up at you after a moment of silence. "…Nothing. Never mind."

(_And something strange hits you then as you watch him smile through his mask—maybe his mask is worn for protection. But not from prying eyes, or enemies…but from friends and family._

_To protect himself from loving. To protect himself from feeling_)

"Kakashi," you take a step forward, hand remaining on his arm, "I don't ever want to hear you say anything about your death again. I don't know what happened in your past, but after all these years, I've begun to think you are looking at life the wrong way."

He chuckles. "Looking at life the wrong way? Really?" he asks somewhat sarcastically.

"Yes. You view the time we spent training under you as another one of your failures. You view Sasuke as one of your failures." You pause, wondering if he will interject, but when he doesn't, you continue. "When you should be viewing us as one of your successes. Look how we've turned out. We're the next generation of Sannin, and you've trained a future Hokage, an Uchiha and the Hokage's apprentice. We're not your failures…we're your redemption."

Something passes through his eye. "Redemption, eh?"

"Yep."

"What makes you think I need redemption?"

You laugh softly. "I don't think you need it. _You_ think you need it."

"…You're perceptive," he says after a pause, "always were…"

"Another success," you say grinning.

"Hm…you're too good for him, you know."

You smile broadly because it is times likes these that you realize just how lucky you are to have this man in your life. "I know."

Kakashi chuckles, and proceeds to do something he has never done before. With his mask still on, you watch him bend forward and softly kiss your forehead.

"Thank you, Sakura," he says quietly before pulling away.

(_And you know he's thanking you for everything: what you just said, what you believe, how you feel about each other._

_The faith you have in him_)

"When did you start viewing me as more than a teammate?" You ask as he approaches the window.

He stops and turns, his eye already crinkled.

"The day you earned my respect, Sakura. The day you became a friend."

XXXXX

It's before dawn when you make your way to the gates. Naruto and Sasuke haven't arrived yet, but you can see someone standing there, waiting.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?"

He is leaning against the white gates, his book nowhere in sight. "Oh nothing," he says innocently, "I just wanted to talk with the other half of Team 7 before you leave."

As if on cue, Naruto and Sasuke approach the gates, one with a broad grin and the other with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Morning, boys," Kakashi says in a forced tone, "Sakura, please excuse us for a moment."

"Sure," you say uncertainly, watching Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke walk away. You can see Kakashi saying something, mainly to Sasuke, and Naruto looks confused for a moment, before his face turns stern and he too joins the conversation.

_Oh_.

Sighing, you feel badly for Sasuke for about a half second before straining to hear what they are saying.

"_Touch her, look at her the wrong way, speak to her, or make her cry, I swear to God I'll make the rest of your life fucking hell. Do you understand me?"_

Although Sasuke looks unperturbed on the exterior, you can't help but smile as you watch him swallow.

The three of them walk back over a few minutes later, and you have to swallow a peal of laughter when you notice how far Sasuke is standing from Kakashi.

"Remember what I told you, Sakura," he says seriously.

"Hai."

"Don't be surprised if I decide to—" his looks at Sasuke "—drop by from time to time to make sure things are going smoothly."

"I look forward to it, _sensei_, one year is a long time."

"Too long, dear Sakura, too long," he sighs dramatically. "Well on my way here, I met a lovely young girl who asked me to teach her about—"

"At five in the morning? What was she doing outside I wonder?" You ask, feigning concern.

"Probably something perfectly respectable and legal. Anyway, I told her to wait at my apartment. Good luck kids, try not to kill each other." And he disappears in a wisp of smoke.

Still smiling, you turn to Naruto's shocked expression and Sasuke's annoyed scowl.

"What?"

Naruto shrugs, smirking slightly. "Nothing, _dear Sakura_, nothing at all."

"Shut up, Naruto. He was just being—"

"Friendly? Is he usually that _comfortable_ around you, Sakura? Does he like it when you call him _sensei_? Ow!"

"That's what you get, idiot, and I am definitely _not_ healing that bruise. Let's go."

And with Sasuke falling in line behind you and Naruto, you set off on the first mission you've been on together in over six years.

-

It was a few hours after dark, and after tiredly pleading with Naruto to stop for the night, you find yourself out collecting firewood.

Naruto's voice can be heard from a few feet away, and you figure that he is speaking to Sasuke, who is around here somewhere checking the border of the campsite.

"Are you almost done?" Sasuke snaps when he steps in front of you, suddenly annoyed for some reason.

"Am I not going quickly enough for you?" You ask not looking at him, taking a mock bow. "Please excuse me, Uchiha-sama."

"Don't do that," he says angrily.

You sigh exasperatedly and look up this time.

(_And conveniently try to ignore how gorgeous he looks in the moonlight_)

"Go away and stop bothering me."

He doesn't move. "…Since when do I bother you?"

It takes significant self-control to refrain from throwing the wood in your arms at his head. "For someone who complains about me being annoying, you should take a long hard look in a mirror."

"Hn."

You snort. "Good answer. Why don't you just leave me alone? You've never had a problem leaving in the past." You seem to be getting angrier by the second, and it takes a few moments to realize that it's not anger—it's hurt.

"Are you going to bring that up every time we speak to each other?"

"Probably. I'll stop when I think you you've gotten it through your thick skull that the world doesn't revolve around Uchiha Sasuke."

His eyes narrow, and on your peripheral vision, you can see Naruto standing on the edge of your makeshift campground.

"Maybe I'll stop when I think you're sorry. Maybe when you think we've suffered enough, you'll finally apologize and _try _to be happy."

"I am happy," he replies automatically.

You laugh loudly and raise a brow. "You wouldn't know happiness if it slapped you in the face."

"And you do?" You can almost hear the frustration in his voice despite the smirk on his face.

"What are you so afraid of?" You ask incredulously.

"Stop doing this, Sakura. It's my life, not yours."

You shrug and turn to walk away.

"Then live it."

-

Naruto was trying hard to make the time you spent together less awkward than it already was. But of course, that led to him being the only one to speak.

"I'll take first watch," you say suddenly, wanting nothing more than to be by yourself.

Naruto watches you stand up before shooting Sasuke a glare.

"Ok, Sakura-chan. Night."

"Night Naruto." You drink the last of your tea before setting it down on a nearby log. Walking up a tree, you find yourself a low branch, but you can still hear the whispered conversation going on below.

"You can at least try, teme!"

Sasuke whispers something you can't hear.

"Well try harder!"

Ignoring them, you look upwards for your favorite nighttime activity: watching the stars.

-

"My turn," a voice suddenly stirs you from your thoughts.

"I still have three hours left."

"Go to sleep, Sakura."

Sighing, you get up, completely ignoring Sasuke and move to walk past him. He is standing where the branch meets the trunk of the tree, not moving to let you pass.

"I know you probably don't care either way, but if I'm about to be killed, a little notice would be nice."

Sasuke's eyes narrow. "I told Naruto I would keep you safe."

Scoffing, you raise your brow. "Since when does your word mean anything? Move, please," you say in a forced tone.

Sasuke disappears before you can blink, and your vision wavers as your head slams into the trunk of the tree.

"Don't talk about what you don't understand, Sakura, you know nothing of the oaths I do and do not honor. I never lied to you."

A loud cracking noise reverberates into the forest as your fist meets his jaw.

"Don't you dare talk to me about honor when you don't have the slightest clue what the word means."

He pushes himself off the forest floor as you jump down after him. Looking up at you, you can see his Sharingan activate.

"I don't owe you anything. So if you think I do," he is close to you now, a trickle of blood running down the side of his mouth, "fuck off."

With his Sharingan, you know he can see it coming.

You punch him with your left hand this time, hitting the other side of his face.

"You better goddamn believe you owe me something, Sasuke. You owe me—you owe _us_—more than you will ever be able to repay in a lifetime."

His head slowly turns back in your direction, his cheek cut from a ring on your hand.

_Why is he not fighting back?_

"Hit me."

He is silent for a moment, and you wonder if he really wants to, "I'm not going to—"

"Go ahead. I know you want to. Hit me."

"You're not worth the effort—"

_Crack_

You punch him in the side this time, the sound of his ribs cracking in the cool night air.

But still—he doesn't move to strike you. He clutches his side and bends forward slightly in pain, and when he looks up at you, there is no desire to fight in his eyes.

Why is there a tear falling down your cheek?

"Hit me."

Another tear.

Sasuke stands upright, wincing slightly.

"I'm not going to—"

_Crack_

His head whips to the left.

"Hit me, goddamn it."

You watch as he spits blood into the dirt and slowly meets your eyes. He lets the Sharingan fade deliberately into onyx, and he takes a step closer to you.

_Crack_

It's a tree branch breaking this time as he sails backwards from the force of your kick. You are breathing heavily now, your breath white fog in the chilly air, and your fists are clenched.

(_What are you doing?_)

He stands upright, struggling slightly, and from his wheezes, you can tell that you've broken a few of his ribs as well as possibly his sternum.

You fist his shirt in your hand as you lift him in the air against a tree.

(_Pain, pain, pain. I want him to feel as much pain as—_)

"Hit me you fucking coward." Only your voice isn't as strong as you want it to be, the tears running down your cheeks audible in the shakiness of your breathing.

(_—me._)

He is watching you, and you can see that his jaw is twitching slightly, as if trying to hold something in.

"No," he says quietly.

(_He doesn't know what it's like to watch the person you love walk away_)

"Goddamn it!" You yell and let him go, watching as he slumps unceremoniously onto the forest floor.

(_He doesn't know what it's like to watch someone you love willingly give everything up_)

"Why?" Your voice cracks again.

He doesn't answer.

"Answer me, Sasuke!" Why does you chest hurt so much? Why do you feel like screaming and crying, hitting something and hugging him all at the same time?

(—_to chose. To chose to leave and never look back_)

"…You don't love me anymore," he groans out after a long silence, one of his hands resting against the tree.

You snort. "I never loved you to begin with."

(_Liar_)

His eyes narrow.

"Answer me."

"…"

"Why won't you fight me?"

His mouth remains shut.

"Why did you come back?" Why are you whispering? Why are you crying?

Why are you so fucking _weak_ when it comes to the boy standing in front of you?

"Why won't you answer me?"

(_He doesn't know what it's like to watch the person you love be willing to exchange that love for hate,_

_So easily…like it doesn't mean anything_)

"…Because you're not ready for the answers," he says simply.

Those seven words knock the air clean out of your lungs. "What the fuck does that mean?"

_(Whywhywhywhy?)_

"Go to sleep, Sakura," he says, beginning to make his way up a tree.

"I want to fight you."

(_He doesn't know what it's like to watch the person you love walk away without a second glance, to watch the person you love try to kill a precious person without a second thought_)

"…I know."

(_He doesn't know what it's like to watch the person you love be so unhappy—to know there's nothing you can do to change it. He doesn't know what it's like to know that you couldn't make them stay_)

Seeing you're not getting anywhere, you turn around and mutter under your breath, hoping he can hear you, "I'm not ready for the answers? Bit rich coming from the one who wouldn't listen to anyone but Ita—"

(_—couldn't make them see—_)

"I don't expect things to be different."

"Good," you snap over your shoulder, "because they won't be."

(_Not until you __**see**__—_)

"Hn," he grunts, and you can feel his eyes on you the entire time you walk to your sleep roll.

(_Different. How can things be different? He's still the boy who can't let it go, your still the girl who loves him and who wants him to acknowledge your power._

_And one day, you will make him acknowledge you, one day you are going to have to fight it out—_

_And you will win_)

But maybe you already did—maybe you won this round.

You slip underneath the blankets, wondering why you are still crying. Aren't you over this already?

Your eyes drift upward in Sasuke's direction, but you look away quickly, and it is then that you realize you can't hear Naruto's snores. You turn on your other side, facing Naruto this time, and his eyes are wide open.

And wet.

Something passes between the two of you then, a connection—a bond of pain, perhaps. Because he knows exactly what you are feeling, and he is scarred, too.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan," he whispers, and memories flash in your mind. All the times Naruto apologized—all the times he said he was sorry and _really_ meant it—were all in reference to Sasuke.

And then you realize just how much you have changed for _him_. All those nights you cried, all those times you were angry, scared, depressed, hurt—all those times you lost control had to do with the ex missing-nin sitting twenty yards away from you.

How many things did you have to give up? How many things did you miss out on because you were too concentrated on Sasuke? How different are you because of him?

Have you changed for the worse? For the better?

You move closer to Naruto, reaching to find his hand underneath the blankets. When your cold hand finds his warm one, you wonder if maybe we _all_ change those around us.

Naruto raises your interlinked hands and kisses your fingers. Squeezing it reassuringly, your close your eyes, drifting off to sleep knowing that it doesn't really matter who has changed you.

Because in the end, only _you_ have the power to decide whether or not you will let that change define who you are.

**OOOOO**

**An extra long chapter to make up for the long wait you are all about to endure. **

**I hope you can start to see what I am doing with Sakura…**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. If you like my story, reviews are sincerely appreciated. **

**Until next time!**

_Song: You're a God—Vertical Horizon_


	8. Chapter 8

**Yes, I know it's been a while. But I'm back and thank you for your patience. This chapter is a MAJOR transition, so I'm sorry if it seems a bit disjointed. I needed to cover a lot in order to switch gears. Thank you guys so much for your reviews. And while this chapter is nowhere near the intensity level of the previous chapter, I hope you enjoy it.**

**I don't own Naruto.**

**Enjoy!**

**I missed you guys XD**

_

* * *

-_

_Defense Mechanism_

_Chapter Eight_

_"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Carl Bard_

You don't sleep well that night; your mind is filled with too many thoughts to allow for sleep. One of your hands it still underneath the covers intertwined with Naruto, who is snoring softly a few feet from your right ear. Your eyes haven't left the starry night sky in many hours, the blanket of night still a comfort to you as it has been since the night Sasuke killed your parents. There is just something about it: the repetition of it all, you suppose. Day, night, stars, moon, sun... and the process repeats. You like the familiarity.

But that's not the only reason why the night eases you.

Perhaps it's because you know every person you've ever lost is watching over you. You've always viewed the brilliant stars as billions of people who have been lost from this world over time, and you distinctly remember the night your world was taken from you.

You remember the way Naruto's hair looked when you opened the door, his blonde hair soaked from the torrential rain. You remember the way he smelled of rain, soil and his signature cologne. You remember his hesitation as his head refused to raise until you called his name softly. You remember the red rim around his still tear bright eyes and the way your stomach plummeted when you watched his lip tremble. _I'm so sorry, Sakura,_ he whispered. And then you were hugging him, screaming for your parents over and over until you could no longer speak you were crying so hard. You remember asking how they died and the look in his eye that you didn't understand at the time, but now fully comprehend. Naruto knew who it had been when he and Kakashi found their bodies but it would be a long time until he told you his suspicions. You remember pulling back from Naruto's body and your eyes immediately going to his lips suddenly wondering what they would taste like. You knew it was a bad idea at the time but you were so numb that all you could do was surrender to your body's demands. And then you were kissing him fiercely, pushing him back on the couch and crawling up into his lap. His hands were sliding over you legs, at your waist, running up your back and one of them twisted in your hair. _Sakura_, he had moaned, and you remember shivering.

And then he pushed you away and you can still remember how hot your face burned when you felt his arousal hit the inside of your thigh as he squirmed. He had stopped you that night, but the night after your parent's funeral he would continue until all that was between his skin and yours was your heart and the ghostly memory of a black haired boy who you could never seem to erase from your mind.

He had been your first that night and you were not at all regretful the next morning. In the back of your mind you had always known that Naruto was the only other person you trusted enough with your body and something that meant more to you than just casual sex. He had stayed that night and you awoke to him running his thumb across your chin. You remember opening your eyes and the thought of how gorgeous he was hit you full force as you watched the sunlight hit his tanned skin, brilliant blue eyes and that smile you would never be able to forget. He didn't lean over to kiss you though, and you were grateful. Naruto knew what the previous night meant because he knew that you would never be able to look at him without thinking about Sasuke. _Good morning, beautiful,_ he had said as he stood up, dressed himself and slowly moved towards the door. No offers to make you breakfast, no promises of calling or scheduling your next meeting. He just walked to the door, hesitated momentarily, opened it and walked out.

Your eyes finally leave the night sky and travel over to Naruto's face. He is still sleeping and luckily unaware of your thoughts. There is a part of you, however, that would have liked it if he were awake.

You would have liked to thank him...

Your eyes begin to burn in tiredness and you allow yourself to close them after one last glance at Naruto. Squeezing his hand lightly, you close your eyes and notice that your body is suddenly heavy with exhaustion.

In the back of you mind however, you know that a lack of sleep is only a small part of why you are so fatigued.

* * *

Something is off the next morning when you wake up, and it takes you a few minutes to realize why you feel so awful. Blinking in the morning sun, you raise your head slightly and it's then that you realize the spot next to you is empty.

There is disappointment in your gut, but you promptly ignore it. It's not like you actually expected to wake up next to Sasuke; why would you want to anyway?

Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you run your hand through your hair in an attempt to smooth it out. You know that you lost your temper last night—lost it like you never have before—and that scares you. You know that conversation was a long time coming, and you wouldn't take back anything you said because it was the truth, but your lack of control over your emotions is disconcerting. You normally have such control...except, it seems, when it comes to him.

And there's a rueful smile on your face because again, there's always an exception when it comes to Sasuke.

Sighing, you try to put last night out of your thoughts. It'll come up again, you're sure of it, and you'll (_both_) deal with it when the time comes.

"You look like death, teme," you hear from just behind the line of trees to your right.

Sasuke mumbles something.

"Yeah, no shit." Naruto laughs a bit. "I can't believe you even slept at all with how tense you were. I don't think I've ever seen anyone in my life with reflexes like yours while asleep." Pause. "Christ, teme," Naruto sounds astonished and humored at the same time, "you were acting like I was trying to kill her or something."

No mumble this time.

"Don't worry. I won't tell her how—ow! Stop!"

With Naruto's laughter ringing in your ears, you wonder why there is a fluttering sensation in your stomach.

What were they talking about?

But Naruto's laughter stops when Sasuke begins to cough.

"Damn. She did a number on you didn't she?"

Silence.

"Remind me to thank her."

* * *

They notice a few minutes later that you are awake. You were content with just lying there staring at the blue sky, but when you hear them make their way back to camp, you reluctantly get up and begin to get dressed.

You do a very thorough job of trying to avoid Sasuke's gaze though, not being able to keep last night's fight out of your head. You said what you needed to say, but what bothers you is that he _didn't_. As usual, he says nothing but the bare minimum, and it is in this moment that you understand _why_ Naruto made Sasuke promise you the truth.

(_Because not knowing is starting to eat away at you. You have so many questions to ask and as always, it seems like there is no time_)

Though _why_ you feel like there's no time is still a mystery. What's the rush? It's not as though he is going anywhere and neither are you, but you can't stop the incessant nagging in the back of your mind that keeps telling you to ask him.

(_"You never know how much time you have left," Tsunade said to you once. You watched her slightly pained expression with a far off look in her eyes…and you understood exactly what she meant because of _that _day—t__he day you watched Sasuke walk out of Konoha and realized nothing would ever be the same again_)

You are shinobi—the three of you could die on the mission _today_ for God's sake, and you'll be damned if you don't get some answers out of the stoic Uchiha soon.

But…how? How do you do it? You're still hurt, still so fucking _angry_ that it will be hard to say anything to him without blowing up. You sigh, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face and accept that no matter what you do, no matter how many years pass, Sasuke seems to remain the only one who can make you so emotional.

And right now, you hate him for it.

(_Though, you don't deny that there might come a time when you love the way he can make you feel_)

* * *

"You did a bad job of healing your injuries," you say, watching Sasuke wince slightly in pain as he picks up his pack.

"I did what I could," he replies without looking at you.

You fold your arms in front of you, damning his pride.

(_And maybe yours too_)

His face looks relatively normal save for slight bruising on his chin, and he seems to be favoring his left arm. Evidently, he managed to heal the surface injuries pretty well. "Did you copy medical ninjutsu?"

He looks up at you, watching you for a moment before responding. "Enough to get by."

That was an odd response, you think. All three of you know exactly _who_ he copied techniques from, so why didn't he just say it was Kabuto? "You didn't heal your ribs correctly. Come here."

He walks over limping slightly, and a sliver of panic and thrill runs through you when you realize you need him to take off his shirt. But why are you panicking? It's not as if you've never seen a male body before.

(_You know damn well why you're panicking. Because everyday reminds you of what is possible, and you know that just one look from Sasuke will be all it takes…and you will fall again_)

"I need you to take off your shirt," you say monotonously, staring at tree beyond him not meeting his eyes.

He looks at you for a moment as if trying to read your thoughts, but you keep your expression composed. Naruto's stifled laughter can be heard in the background and you restrain yourself from punching him.

Sasuke's hands grab the neckline of his shirt and in one quick movement, pulls it over his head. You promptly ignore the smoothness of his skin and the definition of his muscles, hoping he doesn't notice you swallowing.

Keeping your mind focused at the task at hand, you bring your hands together in a few seals and press them to his side, the way his muscles flex when your hands meet his skin is certainly not helping matters.

The way he is looking at you is not helping matters, either.

Why is he studying you so closely?

"That's as good as I can do right now," you say sometime later. "You're going to have to deal with the rest of the pain."

You miss him smirk slightly, knowing you are still reacting to what happened last night.

"I'll manage," he says quietly (_and you could swear he sounds a tiny bit seductive_) and your eyes fly up to meet his. Truth be told you don't really know how to respond to that, so you settle for looking surprised.

And he looks...smug.

Naruto chooses that moment to interrupt, wisely choosing not to comment on the current situation.

"Let's go."

* * *

"Don't speak to anyone," are the first words anyone has uttered in over six hours. Sasuke speaks only once the Oto gates come into view, and you momentarily wonder if he warns you in order to keep the two of you safe. Because why else would he mention it?

The slight spark of hope in your gut is ridiculous. You're grossly overreacting to such a small, dumb comment.

(_stop lying and look deeper)_

Your eyes travel over to Naruto who glances at you briefly with a strange look in his eye.

"Hey teme, let's take a break before we go in, okay?" Except from the finality in Naruto's tone, all three of you know he isn't asking for permission.

So all Sasuke can do is nod.

Naruto looks at you again and grins, softly taking your arm and leading you away from Sasuke deeper into the forest. When he is satisfied at the distance between the two of you and Sasuke, Naruto pauses, glances up at the sky for a moment and when he looks back at you, you can see a familiar look in his eye.

One you have never, nor will you ever forget.

"Are you ready, Sakura-chan?" You know he added the 'chan' to put you at ease because it's apparent to you what he's really asking. He's not concerned about what will happen once you step through the gates, nor is he concerned about this mission whatsoever. He's asking you if you will be able to handle seeing firsthand what Sasuke has done in this village.

To this village.

Its people.

And to himself.

Will you be able to handle it?

"How can—how can you do _that_ so easily?" you ask quietly, stalling to give yourself a few more minutes to think.

Naruto closes his eyes, grins and raises his head upwards so tiny beams of sunlight hit the slightly golden tan of his skin.

"You should have seen the look in your eyes last night as you were fighting him." Naruto's voice has taken on a curious tone. It's not his usual boisterous, cheery tone, its rather one that is calm; a calmness that can only come from one who has accepted a grave situation.

Naruto's eyes open and he looks at you, _that_ look back in his eyes.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone look so hurt, betrayed and desperate at the same time."

"Naruto—"

He takes a step forward and his tone becomes more filled with emotion. "I remember feeling that same way for...a very long time." He sighs and steps so close in front of you that if you leaned forward a couple of inches, your nose would touch his chest.

"When I saw you laying on that bench and my faith in him cracked. How could he do that to you? How could he just leave? Without saying goodbye?" There is a more pronounced waver in his voice now, and you begin to feel a familiar stinging sensation in your eyes.

"I remember sitting on my bed staring at that picture of the three of us, and I made a vow when my eyes landed on your smile. I would get him back for you because there was nothing that I wouldn't do for you, Sakura-chan. Nothing."

Your hand lands on his arm, though you don't know if you're trying to comfort yourself or him.

"And then I realized that I was hurt for you. All those years I was pissed at the village was selfish of me...but that was the first time I felt pain for someone else, not myself.

"It was oddly relieving, in a sense. But I never fully understood what it was like for you until last night as I watched your eyes. I've been searching for an answer to this..._fucked up_ situation. And I didn't know the answer til last night. You. It's you and it always has been. You're the only one who can get through to him. And you might not believe that, but I'm telling you that I saw it last night. I see the way he looks at you and it's kind of a mix between sorrow and... hope, oddly enough." The last two words are whispered as he looks up at the sky once more.

"I—don't know how," you breathe, inhaling shakily.

"You're the best one out of the three of us, that's how," he smiles softly. "Your ability to forgive and your unwavering loyalty will be what he will eventually latch on to. And... it might be unfair to you to have such a burden, but... just know that I would take it from you if I could. The best I can do is complete my part."

"Your part?"

He smiles again. "Yeah, I'm the one who has to kick his ass to keep him in line every now and then..."

He looks at you intensely and you immediately recognize where you've seen that expression before: it's the look he gets when he sets his mind to something and won't give up until it's complete.

It's the look he gets when decides that Sasuke _is_ worth it and Naruto will go to any length to save his brother.

"But I will tell you one thing," his face gravely serious. "It's not your job save him from drowning and lose yourself in the process, Sakura. All you can do is reach out your hand. It's his choice whether or not he grabs on."

He smiles and rubs your arm before turning around and walking back to Sasuke. You stare unseeingly at Naruto's back wondering how he came up with that conclusion himself.

Maybe it was all those long years of hoping when no one else would.

* * *

"Wow, teme, they… they really respect you." Naruto's voice is incredulous, and you know that your face looks shocked as well. Everywhere you turn, the villagers are bowing as if Sasuke is some sort of royalty, and yet Sasuke is walking past them like they mean absolutely nothing.

And it makes you angry.

(_What a surprise…_)

"Hn."

And suddenly, it hits you that you are _always_ angry when you are around him. Why? Why does everything make you upset? Why can't you let it go?

You are loath to admit it, but there is a part of you that will always look up to him. A part of you that will never stop seeing the potential—the talent he has to…

_Change_. Change everything. There is so much that he could do in this world, and you finally realize why you're so _furious_ all the time.

It's because you're disappointed. This feeling—like you want to cry and scream and hurt him and beg him to come back all at the same time—it's because you're disappointed in what's he's done in his life. Everything he had, everything he could have had, he's thrown away.

But that's not the only reason, is it?

Because it's not only about the path he chose on his quest for power. You understand his need to kill Itachi, really you do. It's more than that…

It's…_this_. This perfect example right here. It's his attitude towards others, his lack of respect. His lack of understanding of what he's done to you, his lack of caring that he's broken your hearts. He doesn't feel anything for anyone and it makes you angry—no, that's the wrong word—it makes you _jealous_ that he can simply feel indifferent about everything around him and not feel the hurt and pain and betrayal that you feel.

(_But is that true? Do you think he is a stranger to pain?_)

Of course not and maybe it's unfair to judge him this way but if he knows pain, why isn't he more understanding?

And it's right then that you realize… there _has_ to be a reason. He _must_ know your pain, he must understand, but then why does he do nothing about it? Nothing to correct his past mistakes?

It's such…such a _waste._

You don't realize that a tear escaped until you taste something bitter on your lip. Brushing it away angrily, your eyes are trained on his back, staring at the Uchiha crest sitting proudly below the neckline of one of his old shirts.

...And as though a bag of bricks hits you at that very moment, you come to understand why this is affecting you so.

_(You're in love with him)_

* * *

You keep your eyes trained on your feet, not sure whether or not you are ready to see the depression of the residents in their run-down houses. You can hear the children around you, every time they laugh their parents tell them to "shh!". Why, you wonder. Did Orochimaru not allow for the simple pleasure of laughing? Again, the possibilities that Sasuke could _change all this_ flashes through your mind, but you know he will not see the point in doing such a thing.

But then you remember Naruto's words. Was it possible that he was right?

(_Is Naruto ever wrong?)_

Laughing quietly to yourself, you know he _was_ right. It's your job to save _him._ Did that mean that by saving Sasuke, you could save these people, too? Could you somehow persuade Sasuke to help these people? Was it... was it possible that Sasuke himself would become—?

"This is where you will sleep," he says firmly, not leaving any room for argument.

You walk into the bedroom and you are pleasantly surprised. It is larger than you expected, the bed against the right wall giving a good amount of space in the center of the room. There was an oversized window on the western wall and you are pleasantly surprised that wherever you are, you are not underground. Walking over to the window, you pull the sheer back and to your surprise you have a lovely view of the entire city.

"Where are we?" You ask quietly, not expecting anyone to be there and it is then that you realize Sasuke is still in the doorway. Turning around, you see that Sasuke has been watching you this whole time, but what surprises you more is that there is a peculiar expression on his face. He looks…content.

(_Why? What about this situation could possible make him content? _

_And since when does Sasuke even know what content is?_)

"We are in the fortress Orochimaru was building before I killed him." That sentence stirs something in your stomach but you ignore it.

"Thanks, Sasuke, this is great."

He nods, but still doesn't move.

(_Neither do you)_

"My room is right next door," he says suddenly.

You hesitate slightly. "…Okay. I'll—let you know if I need anything."

Seeming to suddenly realize he is awkwardly standing in your doorway, Sasuke turns to leave.

"Do you want to see the hospital?" He asks, his voice softer than you've heard it in a long time.

You smile the first sincere smile since you've left.

"Yeah," you breathe. "Absolutely."

* * *

"Sasuke—this is _not_ a hospital. This is—I don't know what this is."

"This is what there is."

"Do you have any properly trained medic-nin?"

Sasuke shrugs, making you more angry for some reason. Doesn't he care about these people's well-being?

"I don't know." His eyes are trained on the building: a dark, run-down looking place, no bigger than a two-bedroom house. With moldy dark brown wooden paneling, it was two floors of cracked windows and a crooked roof. It was unfit, obviously, to be considered a hospital big enough for an entire village.

But then again, you think, it shouldn't surprise you that Orochimaru didn't care about his people.

"We are going to have to build it somewhere else. We'll have to start from scratch."

"Hn."

"But first, I am going to have to train the doctors. Does Oto have an—er—academy? Is there a school for the children?"

"Yes."

"Good. We'll that will be my worst-case scenario. Doctors obviously have to be older…" You're silent for a moment, absorbing just how large of a task this really is. Looking at the rundown building in front of you, you realize that building this hospital will not only help people, but it will also give them an emotion they may no longer remember.

Hope.

You remember when you had that feeling a few years back. Seeing Naruto's heart, his capabilities, Sasuke's strengths, Kakashi's willingness to protect you all although he had known you for a few short weeks. You had hope back then, hope that you would spend your lives together fighting the evil and protecting the weak, hope that Team 7 would remain together forever.

Hope that Sasuke would love you the way you loved him.

Your eyes focus back onto the hospital, a fire growing in your chest because of the desire to give these people hope for a new beginning and a bright future. When was the last time they had such a feeling? When was the last time they left their houses unafraid of persecution or being killed on one of Orochimaru's whims?

When had they last hoped?

(_When had you?_)

"This is a big job, Sasuke."

He was silent for a long time, and you guess that he is thinking over his response.

"I know. But I will complete it."

You smile and let your gaze run over his face.

He looks at you quickly, his brow slightly furrowed. He's looking for a reaction, now, you can clearly see. But what reaction he is looking for is still unclear.

It seems, you think with a smile, that he cannot read you as easily as before.

"Excuse me, Sasuke-sama." A new voice interrupts your musings and you and Sasuke turn to see an attractive man wearing medic-nin robes standing before you. He is a few inches taller than Sasuke with brown hair that sticks up in different directions—something you find oddly attractive. His green eyes are warm and friendly, and though his is not the most built shinobi you've ever come across, from what you can see, his muscles are hard and defined.

But there is something else about him that you find yourself immediately connected with—he is smiling slightly, out of politeness you assume, and you can immediately tell that Sasuke and this man do not like each other. What their history is, you do not know, but you are more than willing to find out.

"I thought you were dead," the man says, feigning surprise and you find yourself pursing you lips to keep from laughing.

Sasuke's eyes narrow. "Evidently not, seeing as I am standing here wasting my time speaking to you."

You don't know if you've ever heard Sasuke mutter such a long sentence, but in that moment, you know you _have_ to find out just what happened between the two.

The man chuckles, then turns to you. "Iiushi Kazuki. It's a pleasure."

You extend your hand, ignoring the way Sasuke is glaring at the man like nothing you've ever seen before.

But if Sasuke hates this man, you are going to make him _loathe_ this 'Iiushi Kazuki' before the end.

(_Why?_)

"Haruno Sakura," you say with a slight blush, grasping his hand and shaking it firmly.

(_Because jealousy is the only way you can get back at him_)

"I've never seen you before and I'm certain you're not someone easily missed." His smirk almost makes you weak at the knees, and his playful forwardness is a quality you thoroughly enjoy.

"I'm a medic-nin from Konoha," you say smiling, acting as though Sasuke is not standing three feet away from you, his chakra beginning to swirl angrily. "I'm here to—er—"

(_Make Sasuke see that the world doesn't revolve around him and make him realize what he's lost in the process_)

"—help restart this hospital."

"Ah. Then I guess we will be seeing a _lot more_ of each other, ne?"

The stress he puts on those words makes the blush come back full force and before you can answer, Sasuke has your wrist in his hand and is pulling you down the road in the direction of the compound.

You turn to say goodbye, and Kazuki is smiling and shaking his head.

"Sasuke!" you say when you turn around. "Let go of me! Why are you being so rude?"

"Don't get involved with him Sakura," he says without turning to look at you. "I've seen what he does to girls and you wouldn't like it."

You rip your arm out of his grasp. "I've lived almost six years without you and made mistakes in the past with men and guess what? Uchiha Sasuke didn't come to my rescue then and I certainly don't need your help now."

Sasuke watches you for a moment, and looks as though he wants to say something before shrugging and turning around.

"Do whatever you want."

As he walks away, it dawns on you that the hope you had when you were twelve has gone nowhere.

You (_still_) hope Sasuke will love you one day.

* * *

Your soft knocks reverberate in the silence of the air. A muffled _come in_ comes from Sasuke's room, and you push open the door trying to keep your heart rate from racing at an audible rate. Your eyes immediately meet the black ones that are shining slighty from the reflection of the moon. You stop in the doorway, just staring for a moment, and it would be later when you realize that he was staring at you too. Both of you are waiting for the other to speak first, but the two of you also know who will be the first one to crack.

You open your mouth to speak when suddenly Sasuke's gaze drops to your neck. The trinket is hidden beneath your clothes, but you know he can still see the thin black cord strung around your neck. His eyes stay there for a few seconds longer than appropriate, and it's then that you realize he knows what is on the end of that cord. Ignoring the urge to touch it, you clear your throat.

"I wanted to—er—talk to you about my behavior last night."

Sasuke puts down the book you didn't notice he was reading, and gives you his attention.

(_A book—something so simple, so normal that it makes your heart twinge painfully to wonder how long it has been since he's allowed himself a normal indulgence. You wonder when he last had a normal conversation, a hug, watched someone laugh, noticed a smile..._

_heard the words _I love you)

"I—"

"I don't want to hear it."

(_and that thought stabs you. You often find yourself damning Itachi to the deepest circle of hell... but then you remember something so simple, so cliché, but it's also something you believe with every fiber of your being:_

_everything happens for a reason_)

"I'm—what?" You awkwardly stop talking, and your eyes narrow slightly. "You don't want to hear what I have to say?"

"No," he responds easily.

(_stupid thing to repeat to yourself over and over again—because the normal rules don't apply to shinobi—but you still believe it no matter how many people scoff at your perhaps naive beliefs._

_because you needed something to hold on to—some kind of rope to keep yourself from going under all those years. And you learned long ago that you can't rely on anyone but yourself_

_least of all, Sasuke)_

Ignoring the sudden urge to jump on top of him and smother him with his pillow, you stand there for a few more seconds, scoff and turn to walk away.

"Just for the record," you say with a hint of venom, "I wasn't going to apologize."

"You need to stop doing this, Sakura," he says quietly (_and almost sounds defeated_) and your head almost snaps clean off your neck as you twist around quickly.

He looks up from his book, and for the first time in your entire life you can read every emotion on his face.

(_he's allowing it...because he wants you to know something_)

You don't need to ask.

"Fixing...whatever it is you think needs to be fixed isn't your job. I can't be mended, I can't be "fixed" so don't waste your time trying."

Your eyes widen and your mouth falls open slightly, your mind running over possible answers.

"I—" (_cant_) "—don't believe that's true. You can be saved, Sasuke. It will take time, but I believe your heart can be mended."

Sasuke's expression goes blank, but you can still see a flash of appreciation followed by something that looks dangerously close to regret.

He looks down to his lap. "That doesn't mean it's your job, Sakura."

Your eyes begin to burn at his defeat and sadness, but your voice is strong.

"Look around you, Sasuke," you gesture with your arms to the empty air around the room. "Who else is going to do it?"

"You can't change what happened nor what I did. And neither can I."

"...and?"

"There's no changing the past, Sakura. What's done is done."

Funny, you think, that he almost sounds like he's trying to convince himself.

You smile wryly. "That was always been your problem, Sasuke." He looks up at you, his brow slightly furrowed.

You sigh deeply. "It's not about the past... It's not about what you did because we both know you wouldn't change a thing." You look at him dead in the eye, your voice even and strong. "It's about the future Sasuke, about what you _will_ do, the choices you _will_ make. It's about the future and who you choose to be, now that that part of your life is over. Don't you see? We've accepted what you've done and we understand nothing can change that, but we're not only trying to save _you_, we're trying to save your future! What kind of life will you have now that—"

"You haven't."

"—what?"

Sasuke blinks. "You haven't accepted what happened. You're still angry."

"I'm angry with you, not what you did."

Sasuke raises a brow. "What the hell does that mean?"

"You never apologized...for _anything!"_

Sasuke's eyes darken. "I was never the hero, Sakura. I don't know why you expected me to be."

(_You're not as angry as you thought you'd be at that statement...maybe because you're starting to understand your feelings. You're still angry with him, but at this moment it's not anger, it's pity_)

"Don't give me that, Sasuke," you say softly and turn around. "No one ever expected you to be the 'hero'. At least I didn't. Don't expect me to feel guilty for holding you to a certain standard. I won't apologize for expecting you to not be a monster.

"…What I am sorry for, though, is developing an unrealistic view of you in the first place. I am sorry for falling for your act. The joke is on me, it seems."

"What 'unrealistic view' are you talking about? The fact that you thought I was a good person?"

"No," you respond, your voice barely above a whisper. "The fact that I thought you loved us. The fact that I believed your lies and thought we were really friends. The fact that I believed we meant more to you than roadblocks on your quest for power. Silly me."

You watch his mouth open to retort, and his expression is angry, but he clamps his mouth shut and his expression softens. Then he blinks and looks down.

What the hell was that?

You slam the door anyway.

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on the progress," Sasuke responds while walking up behind you, his eyes darting around watching the workers walk around carrying various amounts and sizes of wood, hammers, nails, ladders and buckets.

You cross your arms. "Well thanks for the check-up, but I'm overseeing everything just fine—"

"Haruno-san," a voice calls from behind you.

You watch as Sasuke's eyes dart over your shoulder, and for a moment, it looks as though he is angry.

And although you think you are imagining it, the angry flare of his chakra tells you that for some reason, Sasuke is less than pleased.

"Ah. Kazuki-san," you say with a grin as you see him walking towards you wearing a green tight fitting shirt and black pants. "Can I help you with something?"

As the young medic approaches you, you can see his steps falter slightly when he detects Sasuke's angry chakra.

Why is he so angry?

(_Maybe because Kazuki interrupted your conversation…yes that's why. Because the other possibility would only spell disaster. _

_Besides, Sasuke probably hasn't felt the emotion called jealousy in about fifteen years_)

"Yes, you can actually," he says, stopping a few feet in front of you, smiling that smile of his that makes your heart beat slightly faster.

"Sasuke-sama," he mutters, bowing his head politely before turning back to you.

"I need help with my bone fusion. I can't seem to match the marrow up correctly."

"Ah," you say sympathetically, "that's an extremely difficult procedure. Just give me a moment and we'll practice on me."

Kazuki's green eyes widened. "Practice on you? Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course," you say, ignoring Sasuke's gaze burning holes into the side of your head.

There is an awkward pause and you shift slightly under Sasuke's scrutiny.

"Excuse us please, Kazuki-san."

He nods and you watch his untidy brown hair as he walks past you.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asks, his tone hard and cold as steel.

You cock your head slightly, your cheeks slightly reddening at your inner thoughts.

"What do you mean? I'm going to teach him how to—"

"I don't like the way he looks at you."

You scoff slightly, not really knowing what to make out of his statement.

"You don't need to like it. Excuse me." And you walk away because in all honesty, you don't want to know what that statement meant.

(_Because for the love of God, everything would suddenly make sense if that means what you think it means. Everything would fit into place—the look his gave you when he got back, the jealousy, the anger..._

_God damn it, he is getting attached to you_)

"Sakura," he calls firmly as you begin to walk away from Sasuke.

(_But isn't that what you want?_)

You pause and your eyes meet Kazuki's, who is standing out of hearing range smirking slightly. You break eye contact and look over to see Sasuke gazing at you over his shoulder.

(_Then why are you so scared?_)

"If I ever find out he touched you, I will kill him myself."

And he disappears.

(_Because if he is attached to you…that means that you will have to make yourself vulnerable one more time. You will have to give your whole heart, your whole self to a man who has yet to earn that right._

_And that prospect scares you to death_)

"Alright, Kazuki-san, follow me."

**OOOOO**

**And so the love triangle begins! I was wondering to myself why I always write SasuSaku when they're not even my favorite pairing...and I think it's because Sasuke is just so emotional. He tries so hard to pretend he's not, but he's probably the most emotional male in Naruto with the exception of Mr. Uzumaki himself. **

**I just love writing him…**

**Anyway, if you enjoyed this, please leave me a review. **

**Until next time! (which won't be a year this time)**


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